Disclaimer
The reader accepts, on reading of this disclaimer, that the Internet is a vast wasteland of crap that spews out of human minds. This blog is no different. Any assumptions or conclusions that the reader draws from this blog are not the responsibility of the author, along with any physical or psychological harm that might result from the reading of this blog.

Author
The author is a paranoid, deranged and cynical misanthrope who records snippets of her life so that she will remember them when she grows old and withered. The identities of any names or initials on this blog are based on the assumptions of the reader unless otherwise specified, and the author claims no responsibility for them.

Reality
The author somehow got into medical school. Yes, you of the general public, shudder and fear the wrath of an inept doctor.

Loves
Reading, Maisy (my dog), tea, writing (albeit badly), piano, music, junk food.

Hates
Almost everything else besides the things mentioned above.

Friends

 Bao Cheng' Bernice' Chien Young' Chun Hing' Claire' Faustina' Felicia' Ferly' Gloria' Irene' Irene & Jiaying' Jac' Jiamin' Jiasin' Jiaying' Lutheng' Karene' Marissa' Melesa' Mingyi' My fictionpress' Pamelia' Pei Rong' Qiu Ting' Rachel' Satires Site' Stasia' Sylvia' The Clique' Vinette' Wenjia' Xin Rong' Xue Ying' Yanne & I' Yanne & Jamie' Zeena' 203'

Archives

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Chat area


 Friday, February 01, 2013

Today was a pretty flat end to a pretty flat week overall.

I really think I need to work on taking criticism more constructively, except that it really shits me when the criticism isn't warranted in the first place. Unfortunately, the reality about medicine is that it's basically one gigantic political charade; even if the consultant feeds you what you know is bullshit, you still open your mouth, swallow it whole and smile while thanking His/Her Almighty for your daily bread.

And yes, I kinda got shot down by our consultant today. We all did at various points; I just didn't feel that what he said to me was right. There is a patient on the ward who was admitted with pneumonia on a background of CCF 9 days ago. We (RL and I) were there when she was first admitted, and are aware of her progress, probably more so than the ND student (ND being the other med uni) who presented the case today. Obviously the patient's D-dimer would be elevated due to her CCF... However, said patient also has a history of PE, and had a low-grade temperature a couple of days ago.

The ND student presented her as having lower limb cellulitis, which is possible but both RL and I didn't think the patient's limbs had changed too much. The consultant then criticised our team's decision to send the patient for a CT PA to rule out a pulmonary embolus, because he assumed (from a rather sketchy presentation admittedly) that it was done thanks to the elevated D-dimer. Unfortunately, I don't think the history of the patient having recurrent PEs was brought out very well, and the ND student wasn't really aware of how the patient presented.

I then kinda argued that the CT PA was warranted due to the patient's history of PE, as well as the fever. Moreover, DVT often masquerades as cellulitis, and cellulitis/thrombophlebitis can result due to DVT. The patient could also have a fever due to the PE, and already has underlying dyspnoea (not sure if there was an exacerbation). The consultant then shot me down by saying that it was obvious that it was an acute exacerbation of CCF (in actual fact, the patient had come in with pneumonia which the student had completely missed), and 'if it quacks, it's a duck and just call it a duck'. He then proceeded to say that PE does not cause fever (and repeated it twice). Which I personally think is wrong, and have been backed up by textbooks that I've since looked up.

I guess I wouldn't mind getting shot down if I think it's fair... But what I really hate is getting shot down because the consultant isn't open-minded enough to regard my arguments. I suppose the blame shouldn't be completely heaped on him since the only information he had was from the sketchy presentation by the ND student. However, it kinda means that I've started off on the wrong foot with said consultant, and it somewhat worries me.

I've never been great with politics. As RL and I were chatting, it isn't the brightest who end up with the best jobs. Using a crude analogy, medicine is like a reality show; the shitty singer who can get the crowd on their feet with their charisma wins the competition over the real songbird. Such is life, and I guess if I really want to do well in my career, I'm going to need to somehow mask my rage face and take criticism (fair or not) with a huge beaming smile.

Sigh.

On another note, DE smsed me last night asking about our data (apparently FW had asked if the data was really knife to skin time). After replying him, he replied with 'Are you able to chat?'. I nearly fainted. Being the non-confrontational hermit/misanthrope that I am, I really really dislike phone calls. I replied saying yes and that I'm also on my computer if he prefers email *massive hint*. Unfortunately, my phone rang about 10 secs after. Blergh.

It was really awkward given how his monotonous voice was rather undecipherable over the phone, and I was just hmm-ing and umm-ing a lot of the time. And honestly, I felt like he didn't really need to call me! He just mumbled about how FW says the knife-to-skin time kinda includes post-op dressing since she dresses the wounds as she goes, and so he'd have to take that bit out of our definition of knife-to-skin time. And then said that he was hoping to submit the paper today, and that FW seems happy with it, and that the biostatistician (the helpful one) had made a few comments he was addressing too. And that was it. Awkward much (this was about 9.30pm too. Gosh he's such a workaholic).

I'm just glad it's nearly over. The project's starting to feel rather stale, esp after the entire saga towards the end of the year (grades, working my ass off to get our stuff ready for the conferences etc). Also doesn't help that dear EB suggested for us to submit our project to an entirely unrelated research symposium; unfortunately our research has NOTHING to do with medical education. In retrospect, I think I got irrationally angry about it. I was angry on 2 counts; firstly, if she'd really wanted to submit it, she should at least read what the symposium is for. Secondly, she'd happily write it on her CV while I end up shouldering all the work as has happened in the past. It really shits me that she'd have the audacity to ask to submit it to the symposium when she had such minimal contribution to the project, and when she didn't even read what it's about, only caring for her CV. Despite the fact that nearly everything she's got on her CV was thanks to my hard work last year (and this year, with the publication). Again, I admit that it's quite irrational. I need to work on not getting so unreasonably angry; I guess it's just been a really long week and this is what accompanies annoying monthly bleeding/cramps/womanly pains.

If it helps, I wasn't openly angry about it...? Then again, I suppose this makes me two-faced. Whatever; my brain hurts and I shall spend my Friday night curled up in bed looking at my blank white bedsheets.

Oh, something nice did happen today though! I bumped into Sri (intern from my renal/gen med term last year. Basically the only light in an extremely dark tunnel) while waiting for my brother at RPH. My mum and I had gone to Harbour Town to use our $20 Fila vouchers, and were waiting to hitch a ride home from my brother. And then Sri walked past! And he actually recognises me! He apparently bumped into my brother a few times this year. And he's still the same, nice humble dude (who let me perform my first cannula on him. Glad I didn't give him septicaemia).

I'm now off to shower, then stare at my blank white bedsheets till I fall asleep (or read a book).

10:17 PM