The reader accepts, on reading of this disclaimer, that the Internet is a vast wasteland of crap that spews out of human minds. This blog is no different. Any assumptions or conclusions that the reader draws from this blog are not the responsibility of the author, along with any physical or psychological harm that might result from the reading of this blog.
Author
The author is a paranoid, deranged and cynical misanthrope who records snippets of her life so that she will remember them when she grows old and withered. The identities of any names or initials on this blog are based on the assumptions of the reader unless otherwise specified, and the author claims no responsibility for them.
Reality
The author somehow got into medical school. Yes, you of the general public, shudder and fear the wrath of an inept doctor.
Loves
Reading, Maisy (my dog), tea, writing (albeit badly), piano, music, junk food.
Hates
Almost everything else besides the things mentioned above.
Friends
Bao Cheng' Bernice' Chien Young' Chun Hing' Claire' Faustina' Felicia' Ferly' Gloria' Irene' Irene & Jiaying' Jac' Jiamin' Jiasin' Jiaying' Lutheng' Karene' Marissa' Melesa' Mingyi' My fictionpress' Pamelia' Pei Rong' Qiu Ting' Rachel' Satires Site' Stasia' Sylvia' The Clique' Vinette' Wenjia' Xin Rong' Xue Ying' Yanne & I' Yanne & Jamie' Zeena' 203'
Archives
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12/01/2013 - 01/01/2014
02/01/2014 - 03/01/2014
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05/01/2014 - 06/01/2014
Chat area
It just struck me that I have less than 8 months of high school left, which really left me feeling rather frightened of...
Of what? The future? The prospect of determining the direction my entire life is going to follow next?
It's strange that after hating school in general and wanting to graduate as soon as possible, I now want to turn the hour glass back. The prospect of having to fend for myself really frightens me, I guess.
Being in school means that I can drift around aimlessly, mindlessly, with everything structured and planned for me, danger areas cordoned off. However, when these things are gone, what will happen? Will I just float along with the current, a jellyfish pushed and pulled along till I land on a beach and die of dehydration?
Then there's the choice of what I shall continue studying in uni. Obviously the popular choice amongst teachers, parents and students is none other than medicine, or law (I guess). Both do not appeal to me. However, it can almost be said that the choice isn't mine. The school fees aren't paid by me.
So this is what 17 years of my life comes to. A realisation of the sense of aimlessness school systems invoke in people, and also that choice is only given to precious few who have the opportunities to pursue them.
It is a depressing world indeed. Perhaps one day, homo sapiens will join the list of dodo birds, stella sea cows and dinosaurs. And I don't think that will take too long, considering how sperm counts are down 50% since the past 50 years. But as usual, the patriarchal society we live in will heap the blame on women. Oh joy.
Homo sapiens still have not been able to evolve past being monkeys, considering the things we do. Oh, the irony.
11:46 AM
Saturday, March 29, 2008
I was in school for about 14.5 hours yesterday. Yes, 14.5 hours.
There was this maths competition called have sum fun (which is a really euphemistic, deceiving and not to mention corny name) which I got intimidated into doing. Well, my maths teacher was standing right in front of me going
Davis (maths teacher): so... You remember this maths competition I told you about on Friday?
Me: no...?
Davis: You know, the have sum fun thing
Me: Oh, that
Davis: What do you mean by that (while the rest of the class who heard me say that burst out laughing)
Me: Well, I kind of forgot about it...
Davis: So you'll do it?
Me: Uh... I don't really want to...
Davis: (just stands there with the permission slips staring at me. He was standing, I was sitting, so it really was quite intimidating)
Me (saying in my head that he's definitely not leaving till I say yes): yeah, ok
So that way, I got intimidated into going for the maths competition that I didn't want to.
We came 8th anyway... By a margin of 2 points. 3rd place was on 24 points, we were on 22. Well, 2 teams tied for 24, and another 3 were on 23. So we didn't do that badly. The other team got 17 points. It was out of 32. We were possibly the top all girls school.
Blargh. Can't believe I spent my FRIDAY NIGHT doing maths. Urgh... Could have started my lit research essay which is due next Thurs (not this one), which I really want a good mark for.
Oh, apparently someone chose the same concerto, same movement as I did. And she told the teacher really early, but he didn't tell Gaby and I. So I'm currently really pissed off at him because it's wasted so much of my time which I could have used to do more productive things like my homework. Annoying guy. And now I've to choose a new piece, which is almost definitely going to be a Mozart (whom I don't really like), but I don't have much choice. I need something which is easy to learn because I've already wasted a month's time.
And I need to go do my lit. And my other ton of homework that needs to be done too. I really need to drop frigging hist because I don't have the time. Oh, we got our essays back. I actually did quite well. 19/25. But my insanely smart class had some people getting 21.5/25 and possibly higher. And considering how the teachers always tell us ranking is all that matters, I reckon hist is almost SUICIDAL for me. And so's physics, but that's another thing altogether. And at least I'm doing better in physics than hist.
Ok, I really need to do my lit.
3:59 PM
Monday, March 17, 2008
We got our history doc studies back. Even disasterous is an understatement for how it went.
It has outdone lit as my ultimate worst subject ever. Considering history is an 'easier' subject, I'm doing way worse than I should be doing. I'm only one mark (out of 25) above the mean, which is PATHETIC, and is the worst result I've ever attained in this school. Urgh.
And I feel I'm lagging behind the entire class because even the bimbos beat me in the frigging test. Which is really sounding humungous alarm bells in my head.
So I'm going to see the subjects advisor tomorrow and ask her for her advice, and if I'm dropping it, I shall drop it by Wednesday so I don't have to do the essay on Thurs. I really don't need the subject. My worst mark for the maths and sciences so far has been my applicable maths assignment test, which I got 80% for. So really, history can go kiss my sorry rearend.
That being said, I got 17/25 which is 68%. Which if it had been lit, would have been considered 'alright'. However, history is a different story. Am really really annoyed because I don't see how I could have dropped so much from last year. Besides the probable fact that my teacher hates me.
I mean, when I was talking to her about dropping the frigging subject last Monday, she was going on about how I'm really near an A and that I need to do minimal work to do really well. Like hello?! I am 7% away from an A. That is a frigging huge gap. And minimal work... Of course, so minimal that I can lose 8/25 or 32% over. Frigging woman.
I also must admit that the prospects of getting a free period are very tempting. However, history still has its attraction to me. Which poses a problem, because I will not allow a B in history to stain my reports.
So I am still quite undecided over whether to drop or not, but it is quite certain that I am going to drop the bleeding subject. If I don't, I need to prepare the essay which we got today soon...
On another note, we haven't gotten our physics tests back yet, which is lucky because all the tests I got back today were disappointing, all of them reaching new lows in their respective subjects. So it was quite disasterous today, not just for history.
Then there're the constant quarrels over what I want to do after high school. Needless to say, I haven't reached a decision yet and like the family says, time is running steadily out. So in layman's terms, I'm screwed if I don't choose something soon.
Imho, I think it's going to descend miraculously from a cerulean blue sky one day in golden halos and snowy white wings, singing Handel's Messiah as it falls right into my out-stretched arms. Well, not quite that way, but I'm hoping it will just strike me and that I will know that I want to do that straightaway. Not too hopeful it's going to happen, but it doesn't kill to have a bit of hope.
And also a certain kind of morbid hope that I will just drop dead tomorrow and not have to decide and do anything. Or that I will somehow procure a gun and shoot myself in the head and be able to look down/up from heaven/hell and laugh at the people who thought I was oh-so happy and that I had such a bright future and that it was such a waste of such a 'brilliant person'.
On the other (more probable) hand, they would declare it good riddance and go skipping happily into the sunset.
And as an afternote before I go for my shower, the arts captains have decided to ask the other girl to do it. So it really doesn't concern me anymore whether she meets the requirements or not, but I was nice enough to ask them to check if she meets the damn frigging requirements and so that was my part in the whole affair. And so I shall wallow in my pain to the end of the term due to the hundred million tests and assignments I have. The end.
8:08 PM
Sunday, March 16, 2008
I did promise to blog on the art's festival 'saga', so here it is.
I'm not sure if I mentioned about the house choirs drama, so yes, this is a long story that dates back to 2 weeks ago... (if you don't know what house choirs is, go down about 2 posts)
Once upon a time, on a bright, sunny day (approximately 2 weeks ago), I was stuck in
This same person came up to me a week ago asking me to do this event called Solo Instrumental for the house. So I had been thinking it over, and talked to Gaby about it too. However, after this event, there was no way I was going to happily skip away and agree to do it for them. So I didn't go for the auditions, which were conveniently right after that practice.
Very convenient of them, of course. I would probably have gone for the audition had the Asshole not confronted me. So no one turned up for the auditions and the house officials were getting panicky.
This resulted in them approaching me to do it last week. Of course, the Asshole couldn't miss out on that, could she? So she too came up and asked me. And because there's no one else to do it (the Asshole would have done it, but she didn't have any pieces to play), they have been pestering me to do it and I think there's really no other answer they'll hear but yes. And that I would be tied to the piano and made to play even if I didn't want to.
So conclusion being that yes, I probably would have to do it regardless of whether I wanted to do it or not.
And here comes the complication: I managed to find someone to do it. However, I'd agreed to do an audition on Friday before I saw Gaby's email (it's one of her students) and so I think they'll audition the both of us now. And using my *excellent* history skills, I inferred that that girl does not meet the requirements for the event (4 min long piece, juding criteria etc etc). So that would mean that I would pass the audition by default.
And in conclusion: I would have to do it regardless of whether I wanted to do it or not.
Interesting isn't it? On Thurs, my entire form class (including my form tutor) AMBUSHED ME. I was happily doing my chem homework which I'd conveniently forgotten to do the night before when the house officials came up and asked me. And the entire form just started cheering, and I was just going 'what the hell?!'. So in the short span of 10 minutes, my form teacher asked me THRICE whether I wanted to do it or not, probably hoping to catch me out and get me to say yes. No such luck.
And they want an answer tomorrow. So I will tell them about Gaby's student and insist they call an audition. Then I can mess up the audition and the other girl will have to do it :D.
So yes. That's the arts festival 'saga' for you.
I shall run off and do my lit 'assignment'.
Oh, and as an afterthought, our house lost house choirs. Apparently they (I wasn't there due to a piano lesson:D) were crap, as everyone forgot the choreography (head turns, clapping etc) and the harmonies which were supposed to be done and taught in about 10 minutes in the practice session 2 days before. I was sniggering away when the results were read out. No idea why, because I should feel utterly depressed and guilty at the way things turned out, shouldn't I? :P
11:11 AM
Friday, March 14, 2008
Wow. My poor blog's starting to feel quite abandoned...
I am so tired. Truly, incredibly tired. Had 4 tests and 2 assignments due this week. And got back 2 tests today, applicable maths and lit.
Looking at my previous post, I mentioned that history is my 2nd worst subject, with lit as my worst subject. I really must apologise and retract this false statement after getting my lit essay back. I miraculously (despite not going for nearly 10 minutes of every lesson) passed very well (imho), with 20/25 for my essay! :D The top mark was 23/25, and the next top mark was 21/25. So I must admit that I'm feeling very pleased with myself :D.
And that means that history is my worst subject now. Despite me deciding against dropping the dear subject after speaking to my dear history teacher. She started off saying that it's my choice whether to drop it or not, but changed her stance to 'you must be crazy to want to drop history' after 10 minutes. Well, she thought my reasons for dropping the subject were unfounded. I begged to differ.
However, I have a really bad feeling that physics is going to be my worst subject after the first test(s) in all my subjects. The average for the class which got their tests back (their teacher wasn't away on some camp, unlike ours) was 54%, which is extremely dismal. The girl who won the physics prize last year only got 37/50. I'm estimating around 20% for myself at this rate.
So yes. The first tests (or assessments, for that matter) for most of my subjects are actually quite pleasing! Let's see...
Physics: no idea yet, and don't want to know
History: well, the assignment didn't go very well and neither did the doc study (which we haven't gotten back, but I know I screwed up)
Calculus: 51/56 (91%). Yay! Expected to fail, but our teacher was nice for once and gave us an easy test
Applicable maths: easy test too. Got 47/50 (94%)
Lit: 20/25!!!
Chem: 33/35 (hehe)
And I swear my lit teacher hates me. He glares at me all the time (probably because a) I don't pay attention and b) I turn up late nearly every lesson), and tells me off for talking. He's told me off 5 times between yesterday's and today's lessons, which has surpassed the number of times I've been told off by teachers in this school EVER (been here for 1 yr and 3 months). Which is actually quite hilarious. Except that it's obvious he's picking on me because he didn't tell the people who were talking to me off, and yesterday, it was someone who asked me to help her with her maths assignment. Urgh. How unfair.
However, a pro/con (depending on the perspective you're looking from) is that I know he knows my name. I was just expressing my doubt over that to my friend when I got told off for talking. Bah.
Poor Keisha was quite sad over her maths test today. She got 38/50, and the mean was 40.5/50, with the standard deviation (we were doing a test on stats, so I guess the teacher wanted to give us this to consolidate our understanding) of 4.83. That's just for our class. But well, it means that everyone did really well, or more probably the test was easy (though that didn't eliminate the careless mistakes from my answers. Lost all my marks on those).
And my maths teacher asked me if I wanted to do this maths comp in 2 weeks time (Friday night). Considering I don't really do anything on Friday evenings except blog/eat/sleep/watch tv/be a couch potato, I was quite keen. However, I realised that I would have no dinner (unless someone was nice enough to buy me some) on that day since my parents wouldn't be bothered to drive all the way back home and back to school and back home again considering how it takes about 45 minutes (average) for a one-way trip.
So I could a) guilt-trip my maths teacher into buying dinner for me or b) get my dad to send me dinner after work (work place is 15 mins away) or c) walk about half an hour out to a fast-food joint to get dinner or d) not go. I think I'll try a. After all, I'm doing them a favour.
And it's not a solo maths comp thing. It's teams of 6 people... So at least I can just leech off other people. Wahahaha. I mean, it really escapes me why they want me to do the comp, considering how I totally *aced* maths in NY.
Anyway, it's been a long day and a long post. I'll blog about the arts festival 'saga' some other time. Dinner now!
5:48 PM
Sunday, March 02, 2008
The school ball on Friday can be very simply summed up in one word: crap.
Why people bother dressing up so nicely and spending a heap of money just to go there and jump around like monkeys really escapes me.
Well, except that I know where Darwin's inspiration for his evolution theory might have been.
Once a monkey, always a monkey.
The food, as usual, was horrible. Everything was half-cooked except for the chicken, or rather the chicken-looking rock drenched in olive oil (or what I think is olive oil). Thank goodness they served sushi as finger food before dinner.
Keisha and I got so bored midway through the event that we decided to drop rice that had been spilled on the table (be it intentionally or not: it was really crap) into the tea candles provided at the table, and watch them dissolve. Then contemplate how rice dissolves in hot wax. And ultimately blow the candle out.
And Victoria's date (Keisha and I couldn't be bothered bringing anyone: well, not if you have to pay close to $200 more for them to go) got really bored too. So we lined our glass bottles (some were still half-full/empty with drinks) and decided to try chucking our glowsticks over them carnival-games style. We weren't very successful... And knocked a Pepsi glass over. Oops.
I wish I'd gone to see Miss Saigon instead. Keisha and I must have gone to the toilet at least 5 times during the course of the night. And the music was so loud that we had to SHOUT and still couldn't hear each other. Well, we got so bored we decided to test the physics we learnt out by trying to find the nodal and antinodal points between the speakers. Yes, that's how bored we were.
So I got home at about 1 at night, and slept at about 2 after my bath etc. Got up at 12 yesterday, had a 1 hour nap in the evening, then couldn't get to bed. So I did homework/revision till 3.30 in the morning. And got up at about 10 this morning. I swear I'm becoming an insomniac.
Tomorrow's a holiday! Labour day here. But my brother still has uni. Wahahahahaha. What a sucker!
Oh yes, I've started piano lessons. Chose my concerto on Thurs. Playing a Bach concerto in D minor. I can't find the score online, and it costs $55 at the shops. Yes, $55. The parents would probably have a heart attack if I even told them.
Sigh... It's gonna be a really busy week ahead. Which is why I haven't been online much these days, sadly.
And I screwed up my fricking oral history assignment (the one where I had to interview someone). Got 70%, which is below the mean of 72.8%. I HAVE NEVER GOTTEN BELOW THE MEAN IN HISTORY IN MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE. How insulting! And it's worth 6%, which means I'm screwed. I've decided to drop history if I don't get above 80% by the end of the term/semester, depending on how I manage my time etc. If history is really a huge burden, then I'll drop it at the end of the term if I don't get 80% and above. And it depends on my other subjects too. If history remains my 2nd worst subject (lit's my worst, but not by much actually), then I'm dropping it for sure.
Oh well. Shall run off to play some jigsaws online.
11:59 AM