Disclaimer
The reader accepts, on reading of this disclaimer, that the Internet is a vast wasteland of crap that spews out of human minds. This blog is no different. Any assumptions or conclusions that the reader draws from this blog are not the responsibility of the author, along with any physical or psychological harm that might result from the reading of this blog.

Author
The author is a paranoid, deranged and cynical misanthrope who records snippets of her life so that she will remember them when she grows old and withered. The identities of any names or initials on this blog are based on the assumptions of the reader unless otherwise specified, and the author claims no responsibility for them.

Reality
The author somehow got into medical school. Yes, you of the general public, shudder and fear the wrath of an inept doctor.

Loves
Reading, Maisy (my dog), tea, writing (albeit badly), piano, music, junk food.

Hates
Almost everything else besides the things mentioned above.

Friends

 Bao Cheng' Bernice' Chien Young' Chun Hing' Claire' Faustina' Felicia' Ferly' Gloria' Irene' Irene & Jiaying' Jac' Jiamin' Jiasin' Jiaying' Lutheng' Karene' Marissa' Melesa' Mingyi' My fictionpress' Pamelia' Pei Rong' Qiu Ting' Rachel' Satires Site' Stasia' Sylvia' The Clique' Vinette' Wenjia' Xin Rong' Xue Ying' Yanne & I' Yanne & Jamie' Zeena' 203'

Archives

 03/01/2004 - 04/01/2004 09/01/2004 - 10/01/2004 10/01/2004 - 11/01/2004 01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005 02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005 03/01/2005 - 04/01/2005 04/01/2005 - 05/01/2005 05/01/2005 - 06/01/2005 06/01/2005 - 07/01/2005 07/01/2005 - 08/01/2005 08/01/2005 - 09/01/2005 09/01/2005 - 10/01/2005 10/01/2005 - 11/01/2005 11/01/2005 - 12/01/2005 12/01/2005 - 01/01/2006 01/01/2006 - 02/01/2006 02/01/2006 - 03/01/2006 03/01/2006 - 04/01/2006 04/01/2006 - 05/01/2006 05/01/2006 - 06/01/2006 06/01/2006 - 07/01/2006 07/01/2006 - 08/01/2006 08/01/2006 - 09/01/2006 09/01/2006 - 10/01/2006 10/01/2006 - 11/01/2006 11/01/2006 - 12/01/2006 12/01/2006 - 01/01/2007 01/01/2007 - 02/01/2007 02/01/2007 - 03/01/2007 03/01/2007 - 04/01/2007 04/01/2007 - 05/01/2007 06/01/2007 - 07/01/2007 07/01/2007 - 08/01/2007 08/01/2007 - 09/01/2007 09/01/2007 - 10/01/2007 10/01/2007 - 11/01/2007 11/01/2007 - 12/01/2007 12/01/2007 - 01/01/2008 01/01/2008 - 02/01/2008 02/01/2008 - 03/01/2008 03/01/2008 - 04/01/2008 04/01/2008 - 05/01/2008 05/01/2008 - 06/01/2008 06/01/2008 - 07/01/2008 07/01/2008 - 08/01/2008 08/01/2008 - 09/01/2008 09/01/2008 - 10/01/2008 10/01/2008 - 11/01/2008 11/01/2008 - 12/01/2008 12/01/2008 - 01/01/2009 01/01/2009 - 02/01/2009 02/01/2009 - 03/01/2009 03/01/2009 - 04/01/2009 04/01/2009 - 05/01/2009 05/01/2009 - 06/01/2009 06/01/2009 - 07/01/2009 07/01/2009 - 08/01/2009 08/01/2009 - 09/01/2009 09/01/2009 - 10/01/2009 12/01/2009 - 01/01/2010 08/01/2010 - 09/01/2010 12/01/2010 - 01/01/2011 06/01/2011 - 07/01/2011 04/01/2012 - 05/01/2012 08/01/2012 - 09/01/2012 09/01/2012 - 10/01/2012 10/01/2012 - 11/01/2012 11/01/2012 - 12/01/2012 12/01/2012 - 01/01/2013 01/01/2013 - 02/01/2013 02/01/2013 - 03/01/2013 03/01/2013 - 04/01/2013 04/01/2013 - 05/01/2013 05/01/2013 - 06/01/2013 06/01/2013 - 07/01/2013 07/01/2013 - 08/01/2013 11/01/2013 - 12/01/2013 12/01/2013 - 01/01/2014 02/01/2014 - 03/01/2014 03/01/2014 - 04/01/2014 05/01/2014 - 06/01/2014

Chat area


 Tuesday, August 10, 2010

After a long unannounced hiatus, I've decided to blog again. Don't ask me why; I'm rather tired of answering questions.

This blog has been with me through trials and tribulations, joy and jubilation (yes, I'm in a mood for rhymes) and I felt it a pity that it had such a pathetic and abrupt end, full of mere academic records over the past year or so of my high school and uni life.

I realise that I do need an outlet. Seeing that no one ever comes here anymore thanks to said hiatus, I thought I'd revamp it. But not tell anyone. If people do come, so be it. This blog is for me and me alone.

That being said, a quick update on my life should probably help reboot a few memories (including my own). I'm stuck in the 2nd sem of the 2nd yr of med sch, which (according to the seniors) is the toughest of the entire course. Oh joy. And I'm really, really and utterly miserable.

I deluded myself into believing that I was happy, that I had a group of friends I could depend on and a social life which I enjoyed. Like a kidnapping victim, I even sent out letters to some of you guys (not that many) that mentioned that I was rather glad with the way my current university life was going. However, the glossy veneer of med school slowly rubbed off in the face of rough reality (yes, cliche, cliche) and I came face to face with the fact that I AM miserable.

Firstly, the so-called friends that I had last year have once again proven to be nothing more than acquaintances. And in some cases, have turned into enemies. I was just too meek to risk offending people last year in a new environment (damn you, evolution, that humans always have the desire to fit in and be accepted) but just couldn't be fked with it this year. I believe that I deserve true friends, and I will not stoop that low to pretend to like such assholes with as many morals as a child-killing sloth. Then again, I'm besmirching the name of child-killing sloths.

Secondly, it's just the course itself. It doesn't help that my problems have been compounded by the fact that I hate a lot more people than I did before. My lack of interest in the subject has manifested itself in my grades, which though decent, are less than magnificent. Which of course, is what people expect of a 'top scoring high school graduate'. I would spit in their snotty faces if I could.

Lastly, I'm tired. I'm so tired of investing myself emotionally into friendships that backfire on me. I've not had a real friendship since 203, and as great a support as some of you are, it's hard to call on such support when it's a whole continent away. And with so many of you going overseas for uni, the number of continents between us is just going to increase.

(So much for not having a specific audience indeed)

I feel like I'm at the end of my patience, of my belief that I can ever find true friendship here in this unfamiliar country. Even though I've been here for more than 5 years (time does fly), I don't feel any connection with this place. And I'm truly desperate to find friends that I trust and feel can support some of my burden to surround me in my daily life, to help anchor me down into this life that I have to lead.

I don't know how much strength I have left in me to continue down this journey. I hate my life, and no one around me would believe me. Why should I be happy when I'm in the most 'prestigious' course, when I graduated the top of the state from high school? No one looks beyond these meager achievements and sees the girl who's still lost, longing for some sense of belonging and simple things like friendship.

And I don't trust the people around me enough to even share a little of my burden with them. The acquaintances at uni add to my burden instead of taking some of it away. And seeing that this damn course is 6 years, I have no clue how I'm going to get through it.

I don't know what to do to get rid of this crap. In my impotence, I sit here eating salty potato chips and feel the fat creep into my arteries, slowly killing me.

11:43 PM