The reader accepts, on reading of this disclaimer, that the Internet is a vast wasteland of crap that spews out of human minds. This blog is no different. Any assumptions or conclusions that the reader draws from this blog are not the responsibility of the author, along with any physical or psychological harm that might result from the reading of this blog.
Author
The author is a paranoid, deranged and cynical misanthrope who records snippets of her life so that she will remember them when she grows old and withered. The identities of any names or initials on this blog are based on the assumptions of the reader unless otherwise specified, and the author claims no responsibility for them.
Reality
The author somehow got into medical school. Yes, you of the general public, shudder and fear the wrath of an inept doctor.
Loves
Reading, Maisy (my dog), tea, writing (albeit badly), piano, music, junk food.
Hates
Almost everything else besides the things mentioned above.
Friends
Bao Cheng' Bernice' Chien Young' Chun Hing' Claire' Faustina' Felicia' Ferly' Gloria' Irene' Irene & Jiaying' Jac' Jiamin' Jiasin' Jiaying' Lutheng' Karene' Marissa' Melesa' Mingyi' My fictionpress' Pamelia' Pei Rong' Qiu Ting' Rachel' Satires Site' Stasia' Sylvia' The Clique' Vinette' Wenjia' Xin Rong' Xue Ying' Yanne & I' Yanne & Jamie' Zeena' 203'
Archives
03/01/2004 - 04/01/2004
09/01/2004 - 10/01/2004
10/01/2004 - 11/01/2004
01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005
02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005
03/01/2005 - 04/01/2005
04/01/2005 - 05/01/2005
05/01/2005 - 06/01/2005
06/01/2005 - 07/01/2005
07/01/2005 - 08/01/2005
08/01/2005 - 09/01/2005
09/01/2005 - 10/01/2005
10/01/2005 - 11/01/2005
11/01/2005 - 12/01/2005
12/01/2005 - 01/01/2006
01/01/2006 - 02/01/2006
02/01/2006 - 03/01/2006
03/01/2006 - 04/01/2006
04/01/2006 - 05/01/2006
05/01/2006 - 06/01/2006
06/01/2006 - 07/01/2006
07/01/2006 - 08/01/2006
08/01/2006 - 09/01/2006
09/01/2006 - 10/01/2006
10/01/2006 - 11/01/2006
11/01/2006 - 12/01/2006
12/01/2006 - 01/01/2007
01/01/2007 - 02/01/2007
02/01/2007 - 03/01/2007
03/01/2007 - 04/01/2007
04/01/2007 - 05/01/2007
06/01/2007 - 07/01/2007
07/01/2007 - 08/01/2007
08/01/2007 - 09/01/2007
09/01/2007 - 10/01/2007
10/01/2007 - 11/01/2007
11/01/2007 - 12/01/2007
12/01/2007 - 01/01/2008
01/01/2008 - 02/01/2008
02/01/2008 - 03/01/2008
03/01/2008 - 04/01/2008
04/01/2008 - 05/01/2008
05/01/2008 - 06/01/2008
06/01/2008 - 07/01/2008
07/01/2008 - 08/01/2008
08/01/2008 - 09/01/2008
09/01/2008 - 10/01/2008
10/01/2008 - 11/01/2008
11/01/2008 - 12/01/2008
12/01/2008 - 01/01/2009
01/01/2009 - 02/01/2009
02/01/2009 - 03/01/2009
03/01/2009 - 04/01/2009
04/01/2009 - 05/01/2009
05/01/2009 - 06/01/2009
06/01/2009 - 07/01/2009
07/01/2009 - 08/01/2009
08/01/2009 - 09/01/2009
09/01/2009 - 10/01/2009
12/01/2009 - 01/01/2010
08/01/2010 - 09/01/2010
12/01/2010 - 01/01/2011
06/01/2011 - 07/01/2011
04/01/2012 - 05/01/2012
08/01/2012 - 09/01/2012
09/01/2012 - 10/01/2012
10/01/2012 - 11/01/2012
11/01/2012 - 12/01/2012
12/01/2012 - 01/01/2013
01/01/2013 - 02/01/2013
02/01/2013 - 03/01/2013
03/01/2013 - 04/01/2013
04/01/2013 - 05/01/2013
05/01/2013 - 06/01/2013
06/01/2013 - 07/01/2013
07/01/2013 - 08/01/2013
11/01/2013 - 12/01/2013
12/01/2013 - 01/01/2014
02/01/2014 - 03/01/2014
03/01/2014 - 04/01/2014
05/01/2014 - 06/01/2014
Chat area
Something's very wrong with me, and I don't know why. My mum was just late for 10 minutes and I start freaking out about whether she got robbed and killed, or is covered in blood in the middle of a highway etcetc.
I don't know why. This only started after they started their shop thing, which in my opinion is dumb. Why should we do this for Aus permanent residency? This is bullsh*t. We don't gain anything out of this place. We are actually HELPING them, and they 'exploit' us this way.
I hate myself for feeling so insecure. It really affects me such that I become more withdrawn and don't want to engage in small talk, as well as losing interest in what I used to like. Music and reading are helping me, but it's not enough. Just a little twitch of my left eye makes me dive into thoughts about the people I know, and if anything bad's happening to any of them. I can't concentrate in class, my language has gone down the drain, my personality's gone. My life's just going down the drain, and I'm almost helpless.
I hate feeling so insecure, and having no way at all to control it. I blank out in tests, get irritated with people even if they didn't do anything to me, float away in lessons etc. This can't carry on, but I don't know what to do at all. Anyone has any suggestions?
3:56 PM
Saturday, September 23, 2006
Omg... My poor tagboard:(.
Anyway, Zeena, what's your gmail? And a big hi to Chunhing, and anonymous, whoever you may be (as long as it isn't a teacher). And I can't believe you guys had the guts to mention cgers on the school comps *huge gasp*. Aren't you guys afraid that I may be turned to stone? Look, I don't care if you guys get turned to stone or not (after all, Zeena Tannus is already supposed to be stone), but I care about myself, so too bad.
And yeah, I'll work on the last 2 or 3 chapters during the hols. I promise!!!
I'll be rather busy during the hols though. Having my Grade 7 piano exam on the 4th of Nov, just before my Cambridge IGCSE (aka O levels) Science exam on the 6th, 7th and 9th of Nov. Oh joy. Got quite a lot of mugging to do during the hols. This sucks.
What sucks more is that I haven't even started on my 27 page revision sheet for physics, which is due on Monday. Shit. At least all the tests are over. I think I flunked my maths. I had a mind blank during the paper, but well, I personally don't give a shit.
During yesterday's piano lesson, my teacher went to grab a metronome and we both realised that ALL my pieces were too SLOW. Crap. And I have only 3 more lessons before my exam (because of the hols, there're no lessons. And we have a celebration this Friday, being the last day of term 3), and we haven't even started on aural tests. Mrs Fursa was talking about getting my brother to help me with it, but I blatantly told her that he wouldn't. She then gave me some ideas on how to blackmail him into helping me *cough*. Oh, and I found out that she has perfect pitch too. Which explains her constant nail examination when I play, despite being able to point out my mistakes.
I might just go start on Science. Did over an hour's piano practice today, so... Gonna be busy tomorrow. Going out, and we've got church. Damn.
Oh, and a follow-up on my subject thingy. The vice-principal took music out for me. Not that I particularly care, since I'm switching schools, but yeah, I was pretty unhappy despite getting all of my other subjects. It's kind of sad, since only about 3 people are taking music next year. The teacher scared the rest out of music, and really, there just aren't enough subject choices. What do you expect from a breeding place of stupid aliens anyway?
9:58 PM
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
I stayed home sick yesterday! Sadly, it wasn't a fake: I was in real pain. (Awww...)
Somehow, I got really bad stomach cramps (AGAIN) halfway through the night on Monday. I woke my Mum up (*cough* not without some cursing) to get me some medicine after 2 futile trips to the bathroom. I doubt you'll want to know what went on in there...
Slept till about 7 in the morning when Mum came to ask if I was fit to go to school. Surprisingly, a tiny part of me wanted to go to school! Must be the stuff my Mum put in the medicine... SHE then said that I should stay home (probably thought I was running a high temperature due to me saying that I could go to school... Reverse psychology *winks*).
So I slept in till about 11 :). While the rest of the world was suffering in the stuffy classroom with physics, I was chilling out watching 'Pirates of the Carribean (Caribbean?): Curse of the Black Pearl', and 'Qian Bu Gou Yong'. The latter was my brother's idea. He got to stay home because he didn't have any exams today :(. Just the perfect way to spoil my day...
Sadly, it was back to school today. I found out that 2 of my friends were sick yesterday and today. Thus, I was alone in class because they're in ALL my classes. Thus, the day kind of sucked.
First thing in the morning, another friend loaded ALL the physics notes from the past 2 days on me (I was away on excursion on Monday), which were 2 past year papers, and a whole stack of other notes *faints*. OK, I haven't even started on anything (meaning reading of notes, revision papers etc), which means that I'm going to die tomorrow night and die again (somehow) on the weekend. And I have a Maths end of term test on Friday, just finished my music homework (harmonization of 'Amazing
Thus, I'm going to abandon homework for the rest of the night, and curl up in bed and give myself a well-deserve rest by reading 'Reader's Digest' and 'National Geographic'. That sums up my nerdy life.
Replies to tags:
Qiuting: Yeps, updated the blog link. All the best in your EOYs! Just try to survive... And take care too!
Yanne: You're welcome... Sorry that I forgot to put a 'belated' in it. I'm going mad I swear... Jiayou too!
Karene/Jiaying: I'm just going to ignore this...
Ok, that's all.
8:41 PM
Sunday, September 17, 2006
Deleted the previous post. I should treat the issue with objectivity instead of vile remarks on my blog. Sorry for being the cowardly asshole I am.
2:39 PM
Friday, September 15, 2006
The week started out crap, but well, it ended on quite a high note.
On Monday, my Mum's friend, who gives me a lift to school each morning, wasn't here at 8.10, and the normal time she comes at is at about 8.05. As a result, I kind of freaked out, but calmed myself down by saying that yeah, maybe some obstinate cat refused to get out from under their car. But, as it got closer to 8.30, I started furiously pushing the green telephone button on my handphone. To no avail: I think the rain cut off the reception in the area. So I called my dad instead, and he said that I would have to walk in the rain to school (oh wow: I'm just too determined to get to school, even risking pneumonia) if they didn't come in the next 10 minutes. Fortunately, they did, but I was late to school and had to sign in anyway (by 5 bloody minutes: to think they say that Aussies are more flexible than us). And so if I'm late for 2 more times this term (even to lessons), I get a detention. And it's not even my fault.
I was still suffering from slight trauma during my physics test, and thus made some stupid mistakes. Not some: TEN AND A BLOODY HALF MARKS. No one's fault but mine again I guess.
Tuesday: Physics MCQ was easy.
Wednesday was ordinary... We got off our Music performance due to lack of time.
Thurs: Music performance. My partner
We had some stupid feature articles essay to writer in class today, and I think I got a not demonstrated for planning. We have to write bloody plans for our essays here, and I CANNOT PLAN. So I wrote some crap that I did not even refer to. And completely screwed my essay up.
However, here comes the good news: I got 82% on my physics test! FULL marks on the MCQ, and 75.5 for the short answer (MCQ was 16). Means I got 91.5/111. Slightly sad about the fact that if I'd had that 10.5 marks, I would have topped the class. Ah well. I beat all the nerds in the class though :).
Mrs Fursa got kind of... Well, she was warning me to practice or she might 'disown' me next year. Oh well. It was quite funny though (the lesson). She was telling me about how she FAXED my exam forms to some woman, and she pronounced it as FUXED (say it out loud...). I was trying not to laugh because it's not her fault that she has bad pronunciation... It's that Russian part of her. And because I'm so bored with my exam pieces, I was just sluggishly getting over them, and she was saying it's my fault it's boring to me. And rambled on about how the composer doesn't suck (YES, she said that), but I suck (she said this... indirectly). And then came the talk about putting my mind to doing stuff, and doing them well etc etc... *snores*
I shall be busy this weekend (geog assignment and biology past-year paper *groans*), so I doubt I'll be doing any blogging...
Oh Faus, you are right. My Mum made me swear I'll go on maple less. And thanks Sera!
Before I forget...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY YANNE!
Yeps, that's all.
8:56 PM
Thursday, September 07, 2006
The week's been full of ups and downs. Ok, excluding the start of the week, which was just boring.
Wednesday was probably the worst day. Mum woke me up at 7.30 before sending my brother to school, and somehow (actually, to be more accurate, it should be 'as usual'), I fell asleep again. So I woke up about an eternity (ok, 15 minutes isn't an eternity) later, and freaked out. I tried scrambling down the ladder, but somehow, my left leg was cramped up without me knowing it, and lo and behold, I fell. My head was just inches away from the electric heater (it's winter here you know). A concussion would have been fine... Imagine the day chilling it out at home.
Sadly, I still had to drag my unfortunate carcass to school. And what for? ONE lesson. The others were full of relief teachers, most of them attempting to relive their past glory of teaching by imposing all the homework over Wednesday, today and tomorrow all in their lesson. And that one lesson was music, of which we spent the time practising for our performance. What a waste of time, since the rest of the teachers were off
Today? A slight improvement... 3 lessons out of 6. First: History. I came close to slapping the doof behind me who was laughing during a horribly saddening video of Hiroshima and its aftermath. For God's sake, you don't get people laughing at a funeral, or for that matter, you wouldn't want people to laugh at your funeral. There're just things that you can't laugh at. Or laugh during the event. Fine, she wasn't laughing at the charred skulls nor the mushroom cloud (yum. Ok, I was really hungry at that time), but you just need to shut the f*ck up at times.
Science: Quite successful. And somehow, the teacher likes me. Wow.
Music was crap today. We had a composition test. Look: Mozart wasn't forced to write under the pressure of 50 rapidly ticking-away minutes. Nor was Beethoven, nor any of the other great composers. But no, us poor minions have to do so. *rolls eyes in indignation*
Anyway, the drama teacher from last year remembers me, when I expected her to have forgotten me. I was walking up the driveway where she was on duty, and she said 'Hi Jolene'. I was kind of shock because I was having that 'oh look, there's a fly buzzing around my head' attitude. You know, the I-spy-a-teacher attitude.
Good news is that I'm changing schools! It's official. My mum went down to talk to the 'future' school staff. She was talking about changing piano teachers, but I gave her a glare that shut her up (thanks Mrs Ng, for all the demonstrations).
Talking about piano, Mrs Fursa called just now to say that she had to change my lesson time to Geography lesson. I couldn't have been more happy. Initially, I told her that I had an appointment ('future' school open day: yes, during a school day.), but I decided not to go for it in the end. I think she was asleep when I called (which was about 9). And she *reminded* me to practice.
Not that I'm going to do so. My comfy bed beckons. I'm just too tired to care.
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Sorry, couldn't resist the temptation to do that:).
9:49 PM
Saturday, September 02, 2006
Sorry to all taggers that I didn't reply yesterday... My dad hijacked the comp.
Sars, you're welcome. About cgers... I've been pretty busy with piano, as you can see... I'll update when I can. After all, there's only 3 chapters left to go. Whether that calls for rejoicing or grieving, I don't know,
Karene: Come to aussieland, where you get to let your brain rot and your body vegetate. How interesting... This shows the hidden murderer in me that's manifested in Jiaying's sucker fish. Murder in Singapore's paid by hanging right? So play hangfish!
Jiaying: Conclusion: I'm not a people person. I was just trying to save resources and honouring the tasty fish... *licks lips*
Hey pui! It's been so long since we talked... I've been alright (*cough*), just been busy with a few things *coughcough*. How're you?
Anyway, you lucky assh*les have holidays now, while I've still got to drag my carcass to school for another 3 weeks or so. Damn.
And the piano exam is from oct to dec here. What are the chances of it falling on my birthday eh? (crap)
12:39 PM
Friday, September 01, 2006
Insanity check.
Just got back from my piano teacher's house, where my mum and I went to drop off the cheque for my piano exam. I was standing in the corner trying not to laugh my head off because her hair was so funny... She just had a shower.
Anyway, I spent almost 3 hours with her today because she realised halfway through the lesson that lo and behold, she hadn't registered me for my exam. So we're registering today, which is a month and a day late. Wow. That means that I might not have to take my exam after all:). She's willing to let me go straight on to grade 8.
And my mum told her that I used to take ballet. Shit. That was so embarrassing, but it's probably divine retribution for me being mean to her and laughing at her hair.
But it was good, because I managed to miss that stupid big walk crap. They said something over the PA system like 'let's get ready to break the guiness world record' then they blew the horn thingy. And Mrs Fursa and I were doing something (forgot what. Either playing, or chatting about me skipping the big walk. I think it's the latter), so we broke out laughing. I told her my motive for changing my lesson, and she was tsking at me.
I gave her a birthday present anyway. And a card. My mum picked the card because I'd pick something stupid (one of those cartoon ones probably), so that was cool. What I wrote in it wasn't. I thanked her for tolerating my lack of practice, and being patient. Look, I scribbled that in during recess (forgot about it).
My english teacher was being weird. She suddenly started talking to me about my crapped up essay when everyone was doing their work. About how crap it is, obviously. She's deciding what levels to give me. Probably level 2s. I asked her that, and she refused to answer. She talked about 6s though. I doubt it. Adults, especially teachers, love getting your hopes high up, then laughing at your disappointment.
I got full marks for my spelling test though (oh yay *flaps arm lazily*). One more time and I get a prize. (Oh yay yay *flaps both arms lazily*). One more time I don't do my homework and I get a detention (Oh yay yay yay *flaps extra tentacle lazily*).
Gotta run.
9:05 PM