The reader accepts, on reading of this disclaimer, that the Internet is a vast wasteland of crap that spews out of human minds. This blog is no different. Any assumptions or conclusions that the reader draws from this blog are not the responsibility of the author, along with any physical or psychological harm that might result from the reading of this blog.
Author
The author is a paranoid, deranged and cynical misanthrope who records snippets of her life so that she will remember them when she grows old and withered. The identities of any names or initials on this blog are based on the assumptions of the reader unless otherwise specified, and the author claims no responsibility for them.
Reality
The author somehow got into medical school. Yes, you of the general public, shudder and fear the wrath of an inept doctor.
Loves
Reading, Maisy (my dog), tea, writing (albeit badly), piano, music, junk food.
Hates
Almost everything else besides the things mentioned above.
Friends
Bao Cheng' Bernice' Chien Young' Chun Hing' Claire' Faustina' Felicia' Ferly' Gloria' Irene' Irene & Jiaying' Jac' Jiamin' Jiasin' Jiaying' Lutheng' Karene' Marissa' Melesa' Mingyi' My fictionpress' Pamelia' Pei Rong' Qiu Ting' Rachel' Satires Site' Stasia' Sylvia' The Clique' Vinette' Wenjia' Xin Rong' Xue Ying' Yanne & I' Yanne & Jamie' Zeena' 203'
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Chat area
I was rather frustrated during Religious Education today, and do allow me to elaborated more on it.
Apparently, there's been a uniform dispute in our school. Since it's the Year 11 and Year 12 exams (actually, they've just passed), we are allowed to wear our dear white PE uniforms to school on days we have PE. Unfortunately, we have 2 days of PE, and some have more, and due to the *great* weather here, we're unable to wash our clothes that fast unless we work through the night and hand-dry them with our breaths as well as hair dryers. Sadly to speak, that's not the case. Thus, some of us have chosen to wear our house t-shirts (some of you should know... shan't elaborate on this) and are getting DETENTIONS.
(F*ck the detentions anyway)
To politely carry on, our dear Religious Education teacher told us to bring up issues in the school. Of course, since this was weighing on our pea-sized brains, we brought it up. The million dollar question here would of course be what his response was.
Well, -surprise, surprise!- he said that all we needed was a parent's letter since the teachers can't do anything about it with that imperial edict. Now, I certainly beg to differ. We're not going to be able to leech off our parents' authority all the time, but sadly, the teacher did not agree.
With that, a classmate went 'What's the point of having this? We're just going around in circles! It's so boring!' I must say that the class had come to this unanimous decision about a century ago, but our perfectly angelic and reasonable teacher sent my classmate out. The rest of the lesson shall not be dictated here for fear of vulgarities.
Ah well... What's more to be said? I suppose only one word: Stupidity.
7:19 PM
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Anyway, -surprise, surprise!- my mom nearly broke her record of continually talking on the phone for 2 hours (the last time was 9pm-11pm). Sadly, she'd just talked for about an hour and a half...
My brother's going for his Year 11 dinner and dance (or social) later, thus, draw your own conclusions... I don't want anymore people after my blood.
And hey, here's something that would make tons of you out there reaffirm your comments on me, as well as puff your chests out proudly at your great judgements.
'You are too young to be so cynical, but I suppose that's needed in literary deconstruction.' -English teacher.
Alleuia. What's new anyway? She's not the first to say this... Substantiate's Peirong's sorting hat decision.
R.I.P, sad and disjointed post. Shall end with the long promised photos of Ng-like clothes.
4:48 PM
Monday, November 28, 2005
Apologies to all for the vacation from cyberspace, but I've been busy with a huge, colossal albeit useless 'project' called 'the commonwealth essay'. As some of you already know, I have too much time to waste on my hands, resulting in me doing something that is completely OPTIONAL, unlike you poor mortals who are forced to do it.
And with the tags: I've come to the clumsy conclusion that Zeena Tan is either:
1: Blind on MSN
2: Just insane
3: Has no brain, since it'd gladly run away and jumped off and killed itself with a splat on the Statue of Liberty (don't ask me how I got to this conclusion).
Unpleasantries aside, it's but 10 mere long days till I get back. And I shall be thick-skinned enough to say that my flight's at 1600pm, thus I'll reach Singapore at about 9 pm, but after my mom shopping and scouting around for her Sommerton wine (or God-knows-what), vodka, DOM (that Chinese herbal 'wine), Christine Dior perfume and running around in the DFS beer/wine shop, I'll probably be out at about 10 pm, and can thus only call/sms at that time. Hopefully, they'll allow phones in the airport... If they do, JOY TO THE WORLD! I can, instead of wasting my time watching my mom clop around in her Armani heels (why do I sound like Ng's kid?), get in contact with some of you! I'll just pray that my mom doesn't slaughter me for the would-be sky-rocketing phone bill, but if she attempts to do so, I'll probably shout 'terrorist!'. Dramatic tyranny indeed... (Rings a bell?)
Mingyi: Hey wicked witch! Sadly, you haven't gotten rid of Timmy yet... *sheepish laugh at latter's glare* Anyway, see you online! (same with Yanne)
Claire: You're at the airport?! Where're you off to? For the last time, I've never been in denial, and never would. You're the one that's in denial!
And I've realised that I've been quite nasty to Zeena... Shall apologize before she kicks my ar*e in Singapore. But hey, as Xinrong'd already mentioned on her blog, it's a miracle that Zeena's been constantly updating/visiting other's blogs! Okay, okay... I shall stop 'flaunting' my snide remarks.
Apologies once more for breaking my promise of updating the satire every day... With that, I shall go off to update it.
10:18 PM
Friday, November 25, 2005
Replies to tags:
Jiaying: I still like the feeling of my head on my shoulders... And I've corrected the link.
Zeena: There's no autumn in Singapore... *waves at Zeena* Haven't I told you enough of society to make you think about it? When have Singaporeans ever bothered?
...: Hmm... I accept your generous advice, and thank you for wasting your time on my idiotic blog. But, I'm already accustomed to such anonymous time-wasters, and shall thus play along with your game of time-wasting (I have tons of time to waste, no worries).
Yanne: Thanks!
In case you all don't know, Yanne didn't type that 'You are an idiot' tag. It's by some anonymous coward who's going to play the 'waste your time' game with me. I'm not going to give that talk about 'this is my blog, you can get your stinking ar*e out of here since I rule', since I've decided to put this up on the World Wide Web, and I shan't be so cowardly as to shield my fat ar*e with my stubby hands (unlike the tagger).
Shall not spoil my mood, since there's no point... Going off to do my commonwealth essay.
4:46 PM
Thursday, November 24, 2005
Before my absymal memory loosens its grip on this, let me say it out first.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYBODY!
Since most of you do not celebrate Thanksgiving, and perhaps not even know what Thanksgiving Day is, let me explain it.
As Zeena had already kindly stated on her blog, it's celebrated on the fourth Thursday of the month. Thanksgiving Day is most celebrated in the United States/Canada (Irene, does this rake up any memories? Canada's is on the 2nd Monday of October, which is Columbus Day in America), and is, as the name goes, a celebration of thanksgiving to thank God for the autumn bounty.
If you all remember this particular episode from Mr Bean, you would remember him attempting futilely to stuff a turkey, and end up having his watch and eventually his head stuck in it. Incidentally, if you all did not notice, it was for Thanksgiving Dinner with his girlfriend. Actually, there was a similar episode on 'Friends'...
I think the only person I've talked to or wished 'Happy Thanksgiving Day' to and known it was actually Thanksgiving Day/what it is is the *drum roll* one... And only... ZEENA TAN! I'm glad I have such a friend... No offence to others though!
That's all I suppose. Shall go update the satire.
9:51 PM
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
Zeena, it's the NY one... I checked the online library catalogue.
Anyway, been doing a 'satire' called 'the 101 uses of the clock tower'. For more information, please view my
satires site.
People are always more than welcome to add on to these kind of 'satires', and you can do so by either emailing me or tagging (as long as you don't clog it, and make sure I do see it). If you like, you can post it on YOUR own blog and get me to see it.
That's just a suggestion, since most of you wouldn't bother anyway. I'll probably send an email on this too, to make it easier for those who wish to add/reply. And I sincerely apologize if I do not add some ideas due to possible overwhelming responses. Be rest assured that I'll acknowledge you (see example of me acknowledging Sera/Jiaying on my satires site once more) and it will be refined almost daily.
Hmm... Maybe we could try attempting suicide by posting it on 'Montague' next year? (By: the blogging community of class 2/* [censored for safety]) Kidding!
Happy thinking/writing then!
6:39 PM
Monday, November 21, 2005
Zeena, I feel like flogging you.
Not for the fact that I do not listen to Bruce Springsteen, but because one of Flannery O'connor's books of short stories that has 'The Lame shall enter First' is AVAILABLE IN THE BLOODY SCHOOL LIBRARY. If any of you out there wishes to embark on a quest to look for it in the school library as well, here's the info regarding it. It's clssified under 'short stories' (as you all should already know), and the call code is 'CON'. The title of the book, which is the most important, is 'Everything That Rises Must Converge'. Happy hunting!
Zeena, get your ar*e ready for me to flog.
Kidding....
Shall go cycling.
4:57 PM
Sunday, November 20, 2005
I'm amazed at the huge number of people who've tagged... Since I'm so touched by all of your 'kind' gestures, I shall reply the tags now.
Zeena: All the best with all the ah-sohs who would cross your path then... Don't crash into them!
Yanne: Ok... Poor Jiasin though... With all the smart China kids.
Sars: You ARE nasty. Haha!
Pam: Get the new photos from me!
Irene, Jiamin to Irene, Irene to Jiamin: Yeah...
Irene: I do talk with a little accent now... Ask Zeena, because I'm not an honest judge.
Zeena: Because I like to. Haha! And I forgot about the part where you told me to tell Ng that we were talking to her in a mall that was closing in 5 mins! 'ZEENA! HOW DARE YOU!' No idea why she said that though. And I forgot it was a rubrix cube!
Lim Peh: What time's your flight? I'm reaching Singapore at 9+pm... Maybe I'll see you at the airport! (I saw this 2/6 girl when I came over here... Fortunately, she didnt recognise me.
Jiaying: Zeena's only has flat coloured cubes... I'm sure she would have gotten a Star Wars one if she could though. Ok, I shouldn't have said that *glances at Zeena the Maniac*. Zeena wanted me to blog about it actually... And I remember it only because it was such a close shave with death. CCC is my school. Corpus Christi College. I hope no egoistic teacher googles the school name... And Claire's going to be awfully insulted that you called me Nut.
Jiamin: It's dark chocolate that's for cooking. Haha! Ask Pam... I don't know anything about cooking. And I doubt aussies speak that way... Sounds arabic. Haha!
Sera: HI! I'm going to outshout you the next time I call:P
Irene: HAHA! What about Mr Ellis then?
Zeena: You know, my mom said you sounded aussie? Haha!
Anyway, it's a miracle that even Zeena knows Jiamin loves Ng!!! *wolf whistles* I also just realised that Thanksgiving Day is a day before my birthday... Interesting eh? Zeena reminded me of this by wishing Ng Happy Thanksgiving Day for reasons unknownst to mere mortals like me. Haha!
Since I'm infected by the extreme boredom bug, I shall do that 'I am tagged' nonsense.
RULES
Include in your post:
1. 5 random or weird stuff about yourself.
2. 5 people you want to tag.
3. Leave them a tag on their tagboard to inform them they've been tagged and to look at your blog for details. (what if they DON'T have a tagboard...)
5 random or weird stuff about myself
1. I don't know why I'm doing this.
2. I don't want to do this.
3. This is the 3rd random fact I'm writing.
4. I was tagged twice.
5. Thus I have to do 10 of this.
6. This is the 6th fact.
7. I am getting bored.
8. Do visit my satires site.
9. Finally this is ending.
10. Last fact!
5 people I want to tag
1. Mr James Tan.
2. Mr Jason Ingham (Both have blogs.)
3. Mdm Mak (She can use the NY campus moblog)
4. Mrs Tieh (See above)
5. Ng (See above)
Wasn't that nice? I'll probably remove it soon, since it's just a total waste of space, and another contribution to cyber clogging.
12:20 PM
Saturday, November 19, 2005
I went out with Zeena Tan today!
Sorry Zeena, but we were stuck in the jam on the freeway (or in Singaporean terms, express way or PIE) for about 1 full hour due to road works. Apparently, we could have taken an alternate route, but were dumb enough to take this one. My ar*e kind of became numb from the sitting...
After the ar*e-numbing 1 and a half hour car ride to the shopping mall, I finally caught sight of a shoulder-lengthed hair tall girl with a grey rather washed out shirt and jersey pants (is that what you call those 3-quarters?) browsing some diaries and calenders outside a supermarket (or megamarket) called Big W, which incidentally is my english teacher's nickname, due to the aptness of her size too. FYI, my present english teacher's name is Ms Wija****** (shall censor name for my sake) and I'm sure I spelled that wrongly, but you get the reason why I call her Big W *winks at Ollie*.
My mom then had to tear me away from Zeena, and drag my carcass to her friend's ice-cream stall, the afore mentioned friend who would then give me a lift home at the end of the day. Then, after more headache-inducing turns, we finally reached that ice-cream stall, and I was turning to go off when my mom pulled me by the ear (kidding) to the ice-cream stall to unhappily call 'hello uncle'. After that, I just scooted back to see Zeena.
Saw Zeena's mom and her looking at some framed prints in a shop, and apparently Zeena wanted to buy 2 prints to cover a piece of empty wall up, as well as to throw her current 'fairy' print out of the window. Zeena's mom doesn't speak like her though, amazingly... She's *gasps* rather singlish! I was gobsmacked to be honest... But it was quite interesting, since I don't exactly speak the same as before anyway (ask Zeena)...
We then took a stroll into the setting sun -kidding- into Big W, and walked around. Zeena saw this marshmellow cushion, and apparently fell in love with it. I told her that they sold it cheaper in singapore, but the ingenius Zeena did not know where to get it! So, (I finally remembered it, Zeena) I've promised to get it for her for Christmas. Then, we walked around, and Zeena bought chewy gobstoppers that kind of broke my jaw (ironically) while I bought a packet of mint sweets (for my mom).
Then, we walked around, and went into gift shops, as Zeena wanted to get cards/something for someone. We then went for lunch, and little (irony) Zeena was whining for ice-cream after our lunch of fish and chips, of which we all couldn't finish. Thinking of it, we should have shared eh?
Walked into a bookshop next, but the books were all really expensive and uninteresting. Walk around more, then after my incessant grumbles, went to Woolworths (another supermarket) where I got Pam her Christmas gift of Cadbury cooking dark chocolate, and myself Maltesers and a 2 litre bottle of Pepsi. From the look on Zeena's face, she'd thought I was insane to buy and carry such a large bottle of Pepsi around, but I did accomplish this 'impossible' feat anyway. She herself bought a small little bottle of mineral water, of which I cringed my nose at when I saw it.
Then, I dragged Zeena out of the supermarket and finally got her to sit down at long last. After sitting down and reminiscing, it was 4 o'clock, and the energetic Zeena started dragging me around instead. We went to some clothes boutiques where I found some nice clothes (which Zeena felt she would faint if I'd ever donned them. Hmmph) but they were too expensive for poor minions like me to afford. Imagine A$99 for a skirt. We did find some suitable clothes for Ng though, and I got Zeena to use my cam to take a pic due to my already filled hands. Will post the pictures up later. Unfortunately, it was a futile attempt trying to get Zeena to pose next to it.
Zeena then started ranting about how Mrs Teo hated her, and I was like 'Really?!' (or was it in the supermarket?) Interesting... She might as well have said Ng hated her.
We then went to 2 more bookstores, and me to the washroom while Zeena relaxed outside and ate the sweets that she'd bought from Woolworths. I went mad when I saw 'Far side away' and 'Dilbert' merchandise, and we decided to split the cost of a Dilbert calendar with Sera for a certain someone's christmas present.
Stupid Zeena dragged me all the way back to the calendar shop she was at initially, and spent a long time deciding whether to get a 'Zen' or 'Greek' themed diary for school, though she finally (at long last) decided on the 'Zen' one.
We then went back to the shop to get the calendar, call Sera and ask her if she was willing, my eardrums get furthur damaged by Sera's enthusiastic shouts, me being equally enthusiastic and equally enthusiastic onlookers staring inanely at me. Wow... Zeena was grumbling about how her phone bill would sky-rocket, when she was happily smsing Irene and I. Irony indeed...
Then, we trotted down to the first storey of the mall, and sat there watching the shops closing. Zeena had bought some cube (forgot the name) and trying in vain to open it. I tried, and it was equally in vain. I then came up with the idea to call Ng, and Zeena said 'OK'. I was like ?! Zeena then made me talk first, and thinking that Ng probably wouldn't pick up her phone due to Sera already trying, I did so. After 3 rings, she DID pick it up. I was shell-shocked, and she (Ng) sounded much younger on the phone. Zeena said that I always say that of everyone I talk to on the phone, including her. Ng apparently thought I was already in Singapore, but I was too shocked to ask if she was actually busy, and inconsiderably ranted on. This is how the conversation went:
Ng: Hello?
Me: Hello?? Is that Mrs Ng? (Apparently, I still had enough sense to address her this way)
Ng: YES(in that manner she always does so)...
Me: I'm Jolene from Australia...
Ng: Really?! I thought you were back in Singapore already?
Me: No... Zeena's here for a holiday though... (Zeena interrupting me at the fact that the call to her lover actually got through)
Ng: When are you coming back then?
Me: 8th of December...
Ng: What time's your flight?
Me: I'm not sure... I think it's 4+...
Ng: Does the class know that you're coming back on the 8th? (surprisingly, she sounded like she was talking to a friend to me... Amazing eh?)
Me: I think so... But they're too wrapped up in their own lives anyway.
Ng: Are you sure? I'm sure they still remember you... They always talk about you...
Me: Are you sure?
Ng: YES (again.)
Me: I'm sure they remember me as that stupid sarcastic girl.
Ng: *snorts*
I then chucked the phone into Zeena's outstretched and yearning arms. Apparently, Ng had some guests at her house, so Zeena put the phone down relatively fast.
We were laughing like mad, and initially, there was this baby crying behind me, so I told Ng that I couldn't really hear because of that. Ng then went 'What baby?' I was like 'Never mind...'
Then, back to that cube puzzle. Perhaps Ng's conversation englightened me, for I realised that it was actually like scotchtape, and easily removed it. We were laughing at our own stupidity after that...
Then, we walked on... Zeena finally remembered that we didn't get a card or wrapper for person we bought the calendar for, and I was like 'once a moron, always a moron'. We laughed ourselves more stupid after that.
Went home with mom's friend after that... Was quite sad, since I wouldn't be seeing anyone from 2/3 till Dec 9th (I hope). Long enough post.
Got guests now.
7:53 PM
Friday, November 18, 2005
Anyway, those who have seen xr's blog, here's a high-five back. More shameless quoting, except only the best part of the whole excerpt.
WAHH MRS NG MARRY ME TODAY!
Aww... How sweet... *wipes tears from bloodshot eyes*
Anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY XINRONG!
That's all, since I'm going out with ZEENA TAN TOMORROW! WOOHOO!
10:49 PM
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
After viewing Sars' blog, I gleefully skipped over to the God (and 203) forsaken 103'04 blog. Sure enough, even I shocked myself to bits at my ah-soh-ness. Shows the natural ah-soh in me, I guess.
Quotes the old me, dated '31-03-2004': 'i damn wu liao hor, 2nd time signing guestbk liao leh. hehe. just wanna tell u guys, no matter wad, we must ren e stinking new teacher no matter how horrible she is k??? we r ten sais! we can overcome her. y dun we overthrow her lyk qinshihuang??? hee. just joking.' I've tried running a search through my decomposing brain, and (un)fortunately, I couldn't rake up any horrid memories like those. At least, this proves that I do NOT in any case have a 'complicated relationship' with afore mentioned teacher.
I guess you all can say I'm like one of those 'extreme makeover' success cases: From an ah-soh to a 'soh-phisticated' person, like what both Sars and Pamelia have said. In my case, I beg to differ. I would agree if you all say I'm an 'ah-soh-phisticated' person, or even constipated cantankerous assh*le (rhymes with ah-soh), but definitely not sophisticated. Seeing the ex-person, I wish I still existed: For me to bash up myself in the bloody wooly brain. I know that it won't erase the stain of the ah-soh in me (unfortunately, mama lemon can only remove grease stains), but the past is the past, and I can't go back in a time machine just to bash myself in the wooly brains, can I?
Anyway, an extract from my essay on stereotypes in class today: 'It is even possible to stereotype objects. For example, age, about teenagers being rebellious and disrespectful to their elders, sex being the only thing men want from women...' I can imagine my teacher's face when she reads it, since I'm currently enrolling in a Catholic school. Well, it isn't very true, but stereotyping is that case. What else would force women to swing men around by their whatchamacallits and throw them by their whatchamacallits and go 'I AM A WOMEN HEAR ME ROAR!' (little extract from Dilbert: Thriving on stupidity in the 21st Century).
Anyway, going cycling. Will be back soon. Bye!
5:02 PM
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
Since people've had enough confidence in me to say in my testimonials and what-nots that I would be successful in my future endeavours, I've tried my hand at unleashing the inner ah-soh in me, and lo and behold, it worked like magic.
First, when I'd finished with my daily dose of 'The Simpsons', I'd the weird image of those ah-sohs with bands around their heads pedalling on their exercise bikes like hamsters on wheels generating electricity (sorry for the warped analogy). Thus, I kicked off my slippers, got into my shoes (my mom's black leather-like shoes with orange insides. Suited the occassion like a hand in a glove, or a foot in a shoe), with enough energy managed to walk out, miraculously push the bicycle out without scratching my mom's red Toyota station wagon, kick the stand a few times, finally get it up, hop on the bike. What happened next would indeed be extremely entertaining: There's a hump-like metal bit at the gate of my house, and as the bike's front wheels happily went over it, so did I go over my bike. And I just had to land in some rosebush, with my mom's ah-soh shoe (left shoe) lying somewhere behind.
My brother, who's obviously much taller than me, had gleefully decided to make the seat really high, and thus me, who's rather vertically inclined, couldn't get on it properly. *indignant snort*
So I cycled around the whole neighbourhood, in an attempt to remove those post-natal -oops- just fats 'Matrix reloaded' on me. Sadly, I'm one of those poor minions without those 'whachamacallits' 'eye-pods' to stuff into my ears while cycling. And I'm glad I don't have those, for I would have smashed it along with my neck. Another event that was interesting was a car, which was parked directly in my path. Me, happily admiring the beautiful roses lining the houses in my neighbourhood, innocently neglected the big piece of brown rusted metal right in my path, and jammed on the break so suddenly, I literally flew off the seat. Fortunately didn't hurt myself much. I finally understand why those 'ah-sohs' would rather have stationary exercise bikes... (My mom has one!)
A appetiser of 'Everybody loves Raymond' at 7, then at 7.30, came the long awaited 'The Simpsons Hour'. From 8.30 onwards, it's what those ah-sohs hang around 'Popular bookstore' for: Get their kids piles of assessment papers to do, after PSLE to only use them as Math formulae patterned toilet paper. Unfortunately, in my case, I had to prepare for an in-class essay on stereotypes.
Now for the true ah-sohing on my part: On my present English teacher. During English today, the fact that I could use Beatrice and Ruth from 'Man in the moon marigolds' as the 'featured' stereotypical characters in my essay. Unfortunately, as I sent my little minion (called Beverly) on her way with my Caesar's box to the highly honoured 'Cleopatra' (Remember, Cleopatra was rumoured to be SHORT and FAT. Really apt... Was Cleopatra indian?), it was returned with a little message: I'd rather you stick to stories and novels than plays. You know, I wouldn't mind being a teacher if all day, all I had to do was "I'd rather you do this than that", "I'd rather you just sit and sleep in class than do something remotely constructive". Yes, yes, I know. How about using the sheep from Animal Farm? They're the most stereotypical I can find: They eat, sleep and bleat. Is that stereotypical enough?
So after the 'showdown', I shook my balled-up fist at her, and I think she saw me doing so. I've only got 4 words to say: Don't know, Don't care.
In the end, I used 'Catcher in the Rye', with the characters being Holden Caulfield and Mr Antolini, the angsty teen and life-changing teacher respectively.
Was then ah-sohing with Sera about deserts, and about some people. Obviously, I'm in an extremely 'ah-soh-ish' mood today, as it is already apparent enough. At the same time, I was ah-sohing to Sars about 'Xiaxuay's' blog, of which I was expressing my inense disgust towards her, and Sars expressing the fact that people only visit 'Xiaxuay's' blog only because she's remotely pretty. I nearly threw my dinner of fried chicken wings, luncheon meat, rice and pineapple juice up at Sars' mere mention of that. I'm sure Ng would fail Sars for her essay due to the wrong word choice.
So enough of this 'ah-soh' saga, I shall go off and furthur unleash the full potential of this inner ah-soh in me tomorrow when I return Zeena Tan's long awaited call. Sorry 'Zeen-ah-soh', was busy doing my preparation for the essay and ah-sohing today, not to mention having bike accidents apt for 'Just for Laughs' or 'World's funniest Home videos'. I promise I'll call you tomorrow!
10:46 PM
Monday, November 14, 2005
Besides my on-going project of making my very own 'The Simpsons' layout, I haven't been doing much except trying in vain to stop my computer from pulling the plug on itself.
Well, today, ZEENA TAN FINALLY CALLED ME! Actually, I smsed her and tried calling her, but she smsed back that she was shopping for groceries with her mom. She called me back at approximately 5.15, and we (or rather I) ah-sohed till approx 6.30. Since I've discovered the effects of ah-soh-dom on woman-down-under (effects of gamma rays on man in the moon marigolds), I shall attempt to obey the ah-soh code of order.
Now, I'm trying to matchmake teachers like Ms (Lydia) Teo and Ms Koh (Suan Chu) as Yanne just said that all the M(r)s Yeo(s) she knows are horrid. Thus, I've come up with the brilliant theory of putting 1 and 1 together: Get a Mr Yeo to marry either one of them. Gossiping about teachers?
And I've just ah-sohed to Sera about the many cooking utensils/objects I've spoilt so far in my futile attempts to cook. Here's the list: 2 forks, a spoon, a knife, a microwave oven and nearly an oven. For the microwave, I'd happily chucked in my food with aluminium foil and the whole thing glowed blue. I switched on the gas of the oven for too long without doing a thing, and it kind of ran out of it afterwards. My mom forbade me from the kitchen from then on... She had an extremely hard time using her handy Jif detergent rubbing out the burnt stains and chucking the rubbish into the green 'Sulo' bins. Talking about ah-sohs, I've officially broken the code of order by not being able to cook well. But hey, are cup noodles considered? I can whip up great bowls of cup noodles! *avoids glares*
So now, I've chucked my Whitney Houston CD into the computer, and am sitting infront of the computer ah-sohing away to Sera and Yanne, at the late hour of 10.40PM when my arms and feet are aching from all the (brain)washing and (jay)walking. Apparently, about a quarter of the ah-sohing with Zeena was on how warped IP is.
As I've successfully made both Yanne and Sera demoralized about IP, let me attempt to do so to you too. Firstly, if you all still are unaware of it (you all are really 'kiam pah' if you don't know), the cut-off point for IP was 64.71% 'YOU KNOW'... 'THEN HOR', my darling friend Se-lar-pi-nah didn't get in 'LEH'... (this is getting really uncomfortable) By how much, I shall not reveal, but as we all know, Sera's been much better than me in terms of academics (as well as health etc). In SA1, despite smashing an all-time record with an F9 (39/100) for Math, I'd got 64.71% right on the dot.
Now, if Mrs Chek were to look at our marks, who would have gotten into IP? NO, not Sera, who's been consistent for the whole of her 2 years in the school, but me, the one who failed Math. And what with the talk about consistency and all-rounded-ness? Because, -Gasp!- the system of IP in the school is WARPED!
Obviously it doesn't sound as convincing here than on MSN as you people cannot shoot me arguments, and I in return cannot refute and rebutt you. But this is just a trial of ah-soh-dom.
And I was ah-sohing to Seraphina about the place where she can get reasonably good prices for baking ingredients, despite my long list of failure in terms of cooking.
As you all can see, I'm obviously not cut out for ah-soh-dom, and shall thus take my Whitney CD out and put Queen on.
10:12 PM
In a one time answer to all past, present or future tags on my visitig xiasuay -oops- xiaxue's blog:
Yes, I did. Gape all you want, as rude as it is. Obviously, as much as I'd wished to tag, I'd decided against it for fear of being sued for defamation or slander. Besides, since the Straits Times visits the blog on a daily basis (I think... Increasing of economy by getting people to do stupid things like visiting disgusting blogs like those), I don't wish to increase my chances of getting sued by people (teachers, and basically anyone under the sun [Looks into satellite update of Elbonia and sees a person typing a lawyer's letter]) So there!
While I'm at it, I shall reply to tags, then scoot off to complete my 'The Simpsons' layout for my satires site (depends on whether I have the bloody tenacity to follow it through as well).
Jiamin: Hi...
Bao & Jiamin: What does ZOMG mean? (ignore this ignorant fool)
Yanne: I have only one word to pronounce: YUCK. Tells a lot, doesn't it?
Sera: If you don't have a brain, mine's skipped off to Tahiti and drowned itself there long ago already.
Yanne: It's alright... And NY open house was on my birthday last year too. 'Defiency' is correct, thanks... I've changed it already.
Off to do the layout!
4:55 PM
Sunday, November 13, 2005
Zeena Tan ought to be dragged out and shot.
So, let's observe (less than) a minute's silence in (false) respect to the woman for her (foolishly) courageous passing.
On her glorious blog, she brilliantly pronounced that weather here in Perth is divine. Obviously, I beg to differ. Coming here in June which incidentally was stark in the middle of WINTER, it's as good as chucking the merlion into Antartica. Draw your own conclusions.
I was literally freezing my ar*e off here, scuttling here and there and bargaining like an ah-soh for furniture. And now, when it's getting warmer, obviously the flies agree with me that the weather's good enough now, and are all out rejoicing and singing 'Joy to the Lord' (Lord of the flies. Pun fully intended.)
For the moment, I have to go already. And Zeena Tan, do call me soon alright? I'll try to squeeze some time in (blame it on school) to join you. Most probably on weekends I suppose.
9:25 PM
Friday, November 11, 2005
I'm sorry if I sounded irritated and offended anyone in the course of it, but as some of you already know, I need a lot of space to breathe in, and can't stand people suddenly barging in when I've already put up the 'Do not disturb' sign. Thanks once again.
9:58 PM
Replies to tags:
Catherine: Thanks, and I'll link you.
Yanne: Ok...
Zeena: Neither do I... I heard that it's got something to do with the 2nd part of Newton's theory or perhaps it's linked to Darwin's. I'm kidding about the latter.
Chun Hing: Haha... If you wish, you can use it for toilet paper, though it'd only give you a*s abrasion due to the rubbish I wrote. Don't bother wasting your money posting it over... Hmm... Maybe I'll get it from you when I try to sneak back into school in Jan or perhaps a class reunion (I'm hoping against hope, I know)? Thanks for keeping it too!
Sars: German campaign? Are you trying to over-throw the government? (*coughHITLERcough*)
Zeena: How about an encore of the Hiroshima bomb? And I think both Jap and German are interesting, but I'd rather have French or Malay (stop shrieking, Jiamin and Pam).
Yanne: It was on my birthday last year too.
Speaking about the Darwinian theory (of evolution), I've found a perfect epitome from flipping through the articles on the Straits Times (due to utmost boredom). I can finally understand how Darwin managed to think of such an innovative idea of alikening humans to apes, from the famous singaporean blogger who has recently gotten into trouble blogging about using the disabled toilets. Out of curiosity (as well as utmost boredom), I ventured forth to visit the fateful blog, and to my horror, came to the clumsy conclusion that I should never have done so, for now I'm unable to sleep due to the uncanny relationship between apes and humans my eyes had been opened to. Obviously, I'm (futilely) attempting to refrain from mentioning the blog url, for I wish with the goodness of my heart for you all to have a peaceful night's sleep, unlike the unfortunate me.
*Sarcasm alert*
And I'm utterly sorry to say this, but I would love it if people not disturb me when my status is set to 'busy', for I would be pushed off the cliff of MSN status if the above is not done so. For such a particular reason, it is unfortunate for me to say that the need for drastic action has to be taken due to an event that has just occurred. My status is currently set to 'Offline' due to the fact that I'm helping my mom to reply to one of her friend's email, and need full concentration (ironic that I'm blogging, but my mom's finally rested her case for a moment). I would wish if you could actually just show some mere respect for a bloody minion like me (I know no one would anyway, so I'm just wasting my time saying this) and stay away from me when my status is set to busy. Thanks, and I would greatly appreciate this.
Have to help my mom send another violent tirade to another of her poor victims.
9:37 PM
Thursday, November 10, 2005
This is near miraculous. Zeena Tan finally came online, after centuries and milleniums of not doing so.
Since such an event has gloriously happened in my miserly life, I'd decided to forgo my sleep, and chatted with the former and Sera till about 11.15PM. As a result, I'd fallen asleep on the bus back to school from an excursion at the jarrah wood forest.
Now, what we did today:
1: Lesson, and I had drama.
2: 1 hour bus ride to destination.
3: First destination: Museum (which is nothing more than a tourist information centre).
4: Lunch with tons of flies.
5: The actual forest (where we walked amidst our plentiful companions, the flies).
6: 1 hour ride back to school.
We really felt like the Lord of the Flies: Endless buzzing in our ears, black spots on our dresses (yes, we walked in the BUSHES in dresses) and for the boys, shirts and shorts (DUH). Obviously it doesn't sound very interesting, because it isn't in the first place.
And now I'm stuffed with potato chips, which will probably put on about another kilo on me. (I sound so much like Jiamin [No offence], but it's just a joke.)
I should really go take a bath, and then go for a nap, thus that's what I shall do.
Before I go, an advertisement for my satires site: It's been updated, so please go look at it. Click here! I know I'm courting death, since if any teacher comes here, they'll know about what I've been writing. But well, life's short anyway.
4:33 PM
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
After reading the papers of Nov the 8th, here are my thoughts on the article 'English-ed Chinese S'poreans the target of Mandarin push'.
Obviously, that spells doom for people like me.
But other than the obvious, here's the rant from no other person than me.
Let me tell you what happened when we watched a video of iodine deficiency (spelling?) with a Chinese professor called Mu Li, who on several occasions, spoke mandarin. Unfortunately, their research had been done in Tibet, and it took me the whole hour to go 'Hey! That's mandarin!' to the amazement of those around me that I could actually understand the language.
You see, people like me used to rely on the subtitles of those soppy Chinese dramas channels 8 and U have to offer. Not that I watched those channels much, or even channel 5 (GO SCV!).
Most of the English-ed singaporeans as the article so aptly puts (I'm a great epitome) probably wouldn't bother too much (synonym: won't give a d*mn) about this campaign anyway. I personally think the 'speak good english (eng-rish)' campaign would be better, though I'd better not give my thoughts on this. But, both campaigns wouldn't help much, in my humbly cynical opinion. What they create would be summarised in the next few points:
1: More work for poor minions.
2: See above.
3: See above.
I could go on till 100 with such reasons, but you get the vibe unless you're a really sad person. And coincidentally, this campaign kicks of in December, which incidentally is when I get back. Perhaps this is an omen?
Getting back to the subject, allow me to elaborate more on the points above. As afore mentioned, people probably wouldn't bother much about the campaign. I'm sure some oblivious mo*ons wouldn't even have heard of it, since it wouldn't make much difference except put poor Malay singers like Jacintha Abishenagaden through h*ll performing Mandarin jazz.
I'm sure you all think I have something against the campaign, but let me make this crystal clear: I do NOT. The only thing I feel about it is that it is a complete waste of time, since it's been on for 26 years and has anything been changed? No. Many of you could argue that it takes time to change, but how long do you want? A millenium? I suppose so.
Perhaps singapore, being a racial harmonial country, should just stick with what singaporeans love: Singlish. Even Amitav Ghosh (or was it Vikram Seth?) said in an interview that he felt singlish had a rather musical touch to it, and that it interested him. But, since we want to improve, why not have a 'Malay! Ole!' campaign instead?
Having won the Tiger cup and what-not, that seems quite possible indeed.
And well, you can sue me for what I've said, but I really do not mean anything malicious. Actually, a malay-speaking campaign even seems remotely interesting to me, and I wouldn't mind joining it if there is one. Or even Tamil would do.
Maybe I should remove this and stick it on toilet walls instead, since that's the only place where we can express freedom of speech.
5:38 PM
Monday, November 07, 2005
How demoralizing can the world get? Even an 8-year-old kid knows what the Schroedinger equation, when I don't even know how to pronounce it.
And, with the French riots (no, not revolution), the world's really sad. I'm sure everyone knows that already?
I'm currently bored of blogging, and thus, apologies if my posts sound boring. Maybe it's time for me to take a break from cyberspace/blogging? Or maybe I should just close this blog and say goodbye to blogging, and go on a vacation from cyberspace.
4:46 PM
Sunday, November 06, 2005
I'm currently feeling quite amused, after reading the 'Reporters Without Borders' annual report on the freedom of press. Amused seems to be the wrong expression here, since I should be more worried than amused, due to my wish of joining the journalism trade (I'll never get in anyway, so who cares?). The concern here would be what Singapore's ranked, if you all still don't know. We're ranked 140 out of 167, and that doesn't seem to be a very good ranking, does it?
In case any of you are interested in the list (which I doubt any of you are, since most people don't even read the papers daily), you can visit this site. Reporters Without Borders 2005 List.
For once, Malaysia must be jumping up and down with joy at having beat Singapore at something. They're ranked 113th, and as afore mentioned, we're ranked 140th. Even Russia beat us by 2 places, and that sure tells a lot, doesn't it?
And Australia beat the States! I was quite amazed, since such lists are normally based in the States, like Forbes is. But like what I'd told Irene, it was probably caused by the Iraq war.
That's all I guess. Replies to tags:
Yanne: You're welcome. :)
Irene: Haha... You flatter me.
Zeena: Don't you forget my contact numbers again... And yeah, I've signed your guestbook.
Sylvia: Hi! Nice to see you tagging, and thanks for visiting!
Jiaying: You can have the scores in it... I only want the file. Haha! And you're welcome too.
Sheen: Yeah! Striking first prize would be the best.
Ollie: Thanks!
Qiuting: Hi! Your blog's quite fine actually. Don't worry! We don't go for the layout, but the content.
Realised I haven't been replying to tags for ages.
3:02 PM
Saturday, November 05, 2005
As most of you probably won't bother reading the class blog, I shall put what I'd put up there here as well, and add my naggy thoughts on.
(This is wholesale copying)
Since no one wishes to blog, I shall.
Now, as some of you already know by now, I'm requesting for 203 pictures of all shapes and sizes. Forgive this naggy old hag here for incessantly repeating what she wishes to say, but you people can send photos to my gmail as long as you don't clog it. My gmail email can be obtained from me, or oh well... I'll just put it up here. jlsn2002@gmail.com
If any of you attempt to clog the whole inbox/junk mail up or spam me with rubbish/viruses, I will personally drag you out into the quadrangle when I return and bash you up. No, it is not a threat. It is a promise.
I'm out of breath from typing it all in less than a minute. And thus, I've come to this clumsy conclusion that I should go off.
-Jolene.
And just an afterthought: You all can either get the video(s) from Irene (who has both), Marissa (did it completely finish sending?), Pui Ian (who's currently in Dubai), Melesa or Faustina (I THINK). Of course, there's me to get it from, but just a warning: Do not come after me if the file clogs up your whole computer due to the humungous size of it (larger than a certain teacher's defaming mouth even). Ignore that line about the teacher. Another way to get it would be tagging, and I'll see what I can do about it. I'll probably be burning all the videos I'll be compiling into a CD, and pass it on when I get back. Or someone could be kind enough to volunteer to do the burning?
That's all for now.
As I've already said, do pardon me for being so naggy and forgetful. I can't remember if I've already put this request up. And anyway, I doubt anyone would want my lousy, clumsy videos.
6:47 PM
As you can all see, I've removed the most 'politically-incorrect' post on IP for a few reasons:
1: My health
2: My life
3: YOUR health
I think that's enough reason to remove a post?
Haven't been posting for days, and I'm rather amazed that no one has actually flamed me for that post! Zeena, would you mind giving me your email address or any means to contact you? If sars still hasn't given my contacts to you, that's it...
And as you all know, I've put up a request for 203 pictures, reason being that I wish to compile a video (testing out a new software too). So with all the goodness of your hearts, do send me photos ASAP. Thanks a million!
12:40 PM
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
To finish off dedications:
Lim Shu Ning Jolene: *cough*
Lim Yan Ping Faustina: Gets irritated when people say that Zeena's taller than her, and retorts that it's the other way around. One I could always bounce insane ideas or woes off everyday before school, though I suspect that she got really bored with my rants. Nice person to talk to on MSN, except that she often goes off to play gunbound (a computer game I suppose). Poor her always gets picked on by Mr Gary Tang (who occassionally picks on me too), due to her involvement in the Theatre Club. As afore mentioned, Theatre Club.
Lim Ying Zhen Sylvia: The bravest of the bravest, to take on the job of LA rep (actually, more like she had no choice). Used to accompany her to submit work to 'the Ng' after school, due to the fact that we both believe in safety in numbers. Responsible girl, though rather quiet in class. Talks when you know her though. Concert band. LA rep.
Lim Yi Min: Person who was fortunate enough to get job of History rep, leaving me with Geog rep. Insane over japanese objects too, obscure as they are to me. Sat 2 seats away from her in Sec 1 initially. Really skinny as well, and can get serious if she wants to. Crazy over green club. History rep.
Loh Lay Kuan: Topped class last year. Gets unimaginable marks for all subjects, especially Math and Science. (Beat her for Geog though. Was it her or Mengyuan? Got same marks for History tests except first and last one) Smart kid who's going to NUSH, and she's the only one going. Responsible, attentive girl who's never distracted. Practices erhu almost every breaktime. Chinese Orchestra. Treasurer.
Ong Ming Yi: One of those who go maniacal at everything pink. Loves to use the word 'pok', despite the fact that it doesn't mean anything (I initially thought it was 'pork'). In my OM'05 group. Has the longest hair in class (came in handy during the LSC'05 swimming games), and thus spent a long time bathing during LSC. Guides.
Sheena Ong Wei Ning: Always slept in class till someone brought in a water sprinkler to wake her up with (she still slept on though), despite her position in class (right under the teacher's nose). Great singer, has large eyes (inane). Crazy over japanese objects too. In my OM'05 group. Guzheng.
Pamelia Chia Cai Qin: Aka TIMMY. Often made fun of due to height (no offence). Cute girl who could be easily mistaken to be a primary school kid. Looks innocent but isn't that case. Got locked out of class due to fact that she didn't want to be Timmy, and it did no good to her except make her late for CCA. Excellent cook, unlike me who spoils even microwave ovens. Guzheng.
Seraphina Chew Shu Jun: Somehow got close to her on MSN, which is weird, since friendships thrive with physical relationships more than virtual ones. Interesting personality, though gets depressed at times (and keeps me worried). Nice person to cheer me up (or rather allow me to rant). Could go on for hours about her, but won't. Softballer.
Sharon Lee Zhao Mei: The 'oracle' last year. Somehow became a little more silent this year (in class). Goes around with Ferly, and also goes ga-ga at sight of CCA mates. Closer to CCA mates than classmates, often disappears during recess and lunch. Good person to confide in. Patient, kind and helpful. NPCC.
Sun Mengyuan: Same as Lay Kuan, gets insanely high marks. Has answers to any Science, Math, Chinese questions imaginable. Don't really know her in person though. Byte club. Math rep.
To be continued.
4:43 PM