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Author
The author is a paranoid, deranged and cynical misanthrope who records snippets of her life so that she will remember them when she grows old and withered. The identities of any names or initials on this blog are based on the assumptions of the reader unless otherwise specified, and the author claims no responsibility for them.
Reality
The author somehow got into medical school. Yes, you of the general public, shudder and fear the wrath of an inept doctor.
Loves
Reading, Maisy (my dog), tea, writing (albeit badly), piano, music, junk food.
Hates
Almost everything else besides the things mentioned above.
Friends
Bao Cheng' Bernice' Chien Young' Chun Hing' Claire' Faustina' Felicia' Ferly' Gloria' Irene' Irene & Jiaying' Jac' Jiamin' Jiasin' Jiaying' Lutheng' Karene' Marissa' Melesa' Mingyi' My fictionpress' Pamelia' Pei Rong' Qiu Ting' Rachel' Satires Site' Stasia' Sylvia' The Clique' Vinette' Wenjia' Xin Rong' Xue Ying' Yanne & I' Yanne & Jamie' Zeena' 203'
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05/01/2014 - 06/01/2014
Chat area
I've had about a week to keep my peace, so now here're my thoughts.
It just frightens me how I could be coming back from a Maths class and somewhere about 3 hours away, my brother could be on the brink of death. And how many children are dying in Africa, while the Americans are spending billions on a useless cause (aka the Iraq war).
I guess many events can take place at a certain point in time. How many other people are typing on similar pages like this? How many are thinking the thoughts I am thinking of? It's fascinating and scary at the same time. As usual, the fear of the unknown.
Another issue's that I'm probably not going back to Singapore this hols. It's not like I have a choice. We're moving house in a week's time, and there's a whole heap of stuff to be done. What more, the only tickets available (fine... I checked this 3 weeks ago) are/were on Christmas, which means that you guys would be starting school in about a week anyway. So I figured there wasn't much of a point going back. I guess I could cry my heart and soul out over this, but I still wouldn't be able to return any way. Tears aren't going to build a river back to Singapore for me.
Nevertheless, it doesn't stop it hurting. I've been waiting the whole year. And yet, just in a few days, all the hope's gone. It hurts so much I can't even put a true emotion or any real words to it, but all I know is that it wouldn't help anyway. It just matters too much. Or mattered, for the matter of fact.
Time will heal my wounds I hope. Patience is always the key to man's treasure chest (pun). For now, I might go on a hiatus. Depends on how I'll be feeling in the next couple of days.
Anyway, that aside, today's been weird. Nothing much was done, but what was done was quite special.
First thing in the morning, the head of Religious Education approached me if I wanted to play the piano during the end of year mass for our year group next week. Not that I could decline.
English: We're doing documentries, meaning that we get to make one. Everyone's doing one criticizing the school. I've gotten over that long ago, because no one would understand where I'm coming from anyway. Frogs in wells... So I ended up reading Shadow of the Hegemon (2nd book of the Ender's shadow series), and was enjoying it till my teacher realised I wasn't doing the work. Not that she really minded. She just said that our group had to finish our plans before I could get back to reading. If we did, I could get to read. I finished half of the plans in 10 minutes. Surprise surprise, my other 2 group members had only done ONE frame in 2 lessons.
Music was probably the best. We were just relaxing... No one bothered doing their speeches on their subjects today (I'm doing classical music in modern movies). I just saw a totally different view of my teacher. He seemed so lonely and out-of-place in the school. He was sitting on the desk, dangling his legs and staring off into space. Strange... Then he asked me if I wanted to play one of the 2 piano parts in some Latin opera-ish thing they were doing next year. And I made him more depressed by saying that I was probably leaving the school.
Changing schools: We met up with the principal yesterday. She didn't seem too friendly... Probably because mum and I mistook her for a CLERK/SECRETARY. I feel like a frog leaving the well. If I stayed in my present school, I'll be their prize specimen; winner of a whole heap of awards, leadership roles (got offered a few). However, what's the point of being given the gift of sight if I were just a frog in the well?
It's strange. I actually feel quite sad leaving the school. Imagine what it's done to my ego.
9:40 PM
Monday, November 20, 2006
This weekend's been hell. Total hell.
My brother got into a car crash when he and his friend were off somewhere 12 hours away on a holiday (post-exam thing). His friend got off with nothing much, but he isn't very well... Got a few stitches on the head, stiff neck, scratches. The car crashed into the bushes and is practically gone.
So everyone's been focusing on him. No one even cares that I got an award, and I doubt they'll care even if I told them what I got for my piano exam. Not that I should be angry. He was in a car crash. But honestly, I'm willing to get into a car crash and see if they'll be as concerned about me.
Then my mum's been promoting the family spirit thing for Christmas. Meaning that she wants me to stay here for the holidays. I just felt like screaming at her 'NO DAMNED WAY'. I mean, I've been waiting for this the whole bloody year. It's almost been my pillar of strength. And now... What's this about family anyway? They aren't even going to celebrate my birthday. I haven't had any special celebrations on my birthday in YEARS. No gifts, special decorations. NOTHING. And now, it's all the focus on my brother.
I reckon I have the right to be jealous. In fact, (despite feeling quite ashamed about this) I felt a little part of me curl up into a smirk when I heard about the car crash. I even started explaining Newton's First Law of Motion to them (though it wasn't much appreciated). To be honest, I'll be ignored even if I stay here. So what's the difference if I'm here or not?
The whole year I've been counting down. And yet, now I wonder if it will even happen at all. It's just the severe disappointment and shock I guess.
9:34 PM
Saturday, November 18, 2006
Hiatus. Will explain soon.
1:32 PM
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Just got home from the school's awards night. As you guys know, I got the music award.
Here're 3 badly taken pictures by my mum.
Me. I look bloody short, thanks to my mum's great photography skills.
A friend. At least he looks taller.
Don't talk to me about height now. I'm jealous.Yeah... I'll talk about it tomorrow.
11:04 PM
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
There are just times when I see myself pointing a gun at my temple.
Other times, I just see a smoking gun falling to the floor.
I wish I could blow my brains out. Wouldn't that solve all the problems of not being smart enough?
9:09 PM
My parents are complaining that I got the music award.
Because 'music isn't an academic subject'.
...
WTF?! IT IS FOR BLOODY HELL'S SAKE. IT CONTAINS HISTORY, LITERATURE, AURALS, COUNTING, AND THE ART OF FUGUE.
Fine, the last bit's irrelevant. But music IS an academic subject. They have it in the unis for God's sake.
And for once, they could try being more supportive. Nothing about the 'no household chores, ferrying you around' crap, but actually going to school and talking to my teachers, instead of hoping to see them at the vegetable department in a nearby supermarket. Or actually even attending any of my musical performances (eg: friends of performing arts, year recital) instead of just sitting out and quarrelling at home, then telling all your friends that your kid performed in front of everyone.
And well, if you don't want to support me, don't f*cking go. I'd rather go alone. I was happy without you knowing anyway.
9:09 PM
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Sweet old irony returns to haunt me.
I got the top grade in music (school MEP-ish class), meaning that I got the award for music in the year.
Which, right after the devastation and disappointment I suffered from after my piano results arrived, is highly ironic.
Maybe this is just a way to tell me that yes, I shouldn't give up on music but should use this as a stepping stone to achieve better in my grade 8, but it doesn't stop the piano results from hurting.
Fine... I've said that enough. I was just stunned when I saw my name on the awardees' list. There's this supposed 'genius' in my music class who, to be honest, thought that she would be getting the award right from the start of the year, and convinced all of us to believe that too. But by some miracle, the award landed in my hands instead. It's just... Strange. I've come a long way in terms of music since the start of the year, but by no means am I the best (at least, that's what I think). The other girl's got all the musical qualifications: grade 8 in theory, doing grade 8 for practical, playing all the complicated pieces. Yes yes, grades aren't everything.
It's just weird. I can't help going up to the stupid list every time I pass it (it came out yesterday...) to make sure that someone hasn't taken it down and crossed my name out. But oh well, I'm not complaining :).
The awards' night is in 2 days time, meaning that I won't be online then :(. I shall be stuck in eternal (fine... 2 hours of) boredom, which is quite a waste of time, but I should be *proud of my achievements*.
*snorts and rolls eyes*
Anyway, today was a crap day. It started like shit (pun. I'll explain it). I felt really cold in the morning even though it was about 20+ degrees. Then, when I was walking to my locker, this bird (which was somewhat invisible: I'd have slaughtered it if I found it) shitted on my hand. At least it wasn't my head, but that's not the point. STUPID BIRD. You should have been on my dinner table.
I got a cold too. Was sniffing and sneezing all through my maths test, and through the quiz we had in geography (it's slacking time now for half the subjects). Same with physics, which I just went 'stuff that, I'm not going to care'. The exams are over for God's sake.
Music was fun. We're having a performance assessment, and I'm last on the list :D. So I've listened to everyone's pieces, and they haven't listened to mine. Ran out of time today. Wahahaha... I'll get till next Monday to practice because I'm not going to school tomorrow and we're having another music test on Thursday.
Went home during lunch as I really couldn't take my headache (from the sniffing) and cold anymore. Slept from like 2-2.30, got up for lunch, went back to bed at 4 and got up at 7.20 for dinner. And strangely enough, I'm actually feeling quite tired now (it's only 10.40). Must be the medication.
I'M SKIPPING SCHOOL TOMORROW!!!
10:37 PM
Saturday, November 11, 2006
It's D-day plus one today (if you watch war movies/read history textbooks, you'll know what this means). I woke up feeling as though my heart had been wrenched out of my body and chucked into acid.
Still really disappointed and devastated. Haven't told the family... I just hope this is all just a horrible mix-up/nightmare, and that it'll go away. But a pass is a pass... At least I didn't fail.
It doesn't make it hurt any less though. I was so confident I'd get a distinction... Or the worst: a merit. Looks like I was wrong, as I always am.
2:49 PM
Friday, November 10, 2006
I'm suffering from severe disappointment: I only got a pass for my piano exam.
The bloody guy failed me for sight-reading and aurals. I just can't believe it, because I didn't do all that bad. And he's not even a bloody pianist for goodness sake. My pieces were crap too: 24, 27, 24. Even my teacher agrees I should have done much better. What the hell.
I have half a mind to complain to ABRSM and request for a re-examination, but I doubt they'll care. I mean, my sight-reading was the best I've ever done. And yet, the worst (irony). So my total was like 114, which is so bloody low, and which I have nvr gotten before. That being that I never got a pass before.
Seriously pissed off with the guy. The biggest problem now is to tell the family, who think that I got a high distinction.
5:01 PM
Saturday, November 04, 2006
Blargh. I know all of you must be eager to know how my piano exam went.
Should I make you all even more eager by waiting till tomorrow to post?
I shouldn't be that mean.
It was quite fine. Sight-reading was much easier than I expected. Pieces went really well. Scales: Quite alright, except I was rather nervous (first part of the exam) and kind of mixed stuff up. Like he asked me to play B harmonic minor and I played the one in 3rds, and he was like 'similar motion, not 3rds'. And F sharp minor for contrary: I was like harmonic or melodic? He gave me this really confused look because only harmonic's in the exam. Blargh.
Now to the last part: aurals. I totally screwed this up. He gave me loads of chances to change my ans, and I guess I got most of them right in the end. Blargh. I reckon I failed this.
But oh well. I'm confident I'll pass, so who cares? Here's what I expect to get.
27 for the first piece, 28 for the 2nd and the 3rd. (I have high expectations I guess. I was really happy with my performance)
18 or 19 for scales
With just those 2, I've passed!!! (83 + 18/19 =101/102)
18 or 19 for sight-reading (I did really well compared to my practice ones)
So this way, I get a merit!
And even if I get 6 for my aurals (minimum mark), it brings my grand total to 126. *beams*
I hope I'll get at least a 10 on aurals. Then I'll get my distinction. *grins*
Better not get my hopes too high. The examiner didn't really say anything besides 'thank you'. But he was hell nice, giving me 2nd chances in the aurals. On 2nd chance, I got most of them right. Except the lower part crap, of which he cut me off because I was just making up stuff. LOL.
I was quite lucky in terms of the piano, because the piano was about the same as mine except for the touch. It was also one of those yamaha uprights, so it didn't prove to be much of a problem.
And the stewardess (no, not those pretty ladies: this one doesn't really *cough* fit that description) was hell nice. She offered me a glass of water to take with me to the warm-up room and exam room. After the exam, she gave me candy, and said stuff like 'I don't think you'll have much trouble. You played well' etc, which was hell nice of her. I asked her when the results would come, and she said 2 to 3 weeks, which is really soon. *screams and tears hair out*
Oh, did I tell you about how evil the examiner was for the singing part? He gave me this Mozart piece that had like 4 SHARPS. Wth. Sight-reading was easy though. D major :).
Blargh. Now to study for Science.
6:49 PM
4 hours to my piano exam!!! *runs around the house like a headless chicken*
I got up at 9 this morning (it's really early for me, especially on a Saturday) after tossing and turning for what seemed like ages. Practiced for an hour before breakfast, and went on the comp for a little while. Practiced another half an hour, did some Science exam revision, and here I am again.
Called my teacher last night. She said she was expecting me to do really well, because my stuff's all ready, my sight-reading can be quite good (just have to watch the rhythm), and aurals are probably fine. Blargh.
No pressure though. My mum's friend's gonna pick me up, then drop me off at the examination venue. Then he's going off, and I'll ring him after my exam. So I'm going to be alone for about half an hour before the exam (quite a good thing).
Lunch time!!!
12:10 PM
Friday, November 03, 2006
Oh crud. My piano exam's in approx 18 hours time.
I just called my teacher about an hour ago to ask if I needed to bring any identification. She said I should... I wouldn't mind her sitting my exam for me though.
Anyway, she was saying that my program's (pieces) are ready, scales are ready, though sight-reading and aurals might be quite a worry. And she said that she's expecting really good results from me. Arrgh... And my mum happily spread the news around so that I might as well get up and do the notices and tell everyone how I did on my exam.
For some reason, I'm more tired than nervous. I could just snore away on the keyboard, but it's the nerves that are keeping me up. Wth... My teacher was asking me to relax because I'm alright etc, but I can't. Blargh.
Oh well. I'll try and sleep. Better than not having enough sleep and snoring on the piano tomorrow.
10:17 PM
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Yesterday was Halloween! My mum said someone tried to trick-a-treat from her at our new home when she went there to check it out. Hahahahaha!
Yesterday was also Reformation Day, when Martin Luther (head of the Protestant church) stuck his proposal on the Cathedral of Wittenberg. What a coincidence.
Anyway, I got home at about 6 just now because of the practical moch test in school. It was quite easy: I was the first to finish it (as usual). Then my mum dropped by the supermarket to grab some vegetables and fruit for dinner. And I saw my Science teacher (she just came from school too). I was like 'Oh God...' because somehow, I had this intuition that I'd see her there.
So mum put this bag of vegetables from the grower's shop in the car, then we went back to the supermarket, where I saw 2 other classmates (who were such a disgrace to our school: clothes untucked in). And mum wanted to grab some strawberries, so we went to the veg department. My teacher was grabbing some cucumbers there too. I was like 'Oh my God...'. They started talking. And I developed this sudden interest in the potatos in the bucket before me.
Fortunately (or unfortunately), nothing nasty: my teacher was talking about how clever I am, and I was like '......' Then she was like 'Oh... I expect excellent things from her even if she chooses *boring music* (it was a joke)' and my mum told her I was taking my Grade 7 exam on Saturday. To be honest, I felt like transforming myself into a potato and experiencing life from a potato's point of view, but sadly, I couldn't. So my teacher was hell impressed because she thought I was some amateur, and I was like 'Oh no...', because it usually is my mum's signal to start bragging. True to her word, she started talking about my brother finishing her grade 8 etc. Bloody hell.
After a few more torturous minutes, we went off (Thank God). So yeah... I was so bloody humiliated.
Anyway, I'm so exhausted. Shall go to bed soon.
9:26 PM