The reader accepts, on reading of this disclaimer, that the Internet is a vast wasteland of crap that spews out of human minds. This blog is no different. Any assumptions or conclusions that the reader draws from this blog are not the responsibility of the author, along with any physical or psychological harm that might result from the reading of this blog.
Author
The author is a paranoid, deranged and cynical misanthrope who records snippets of her life so that she will remember them when she grows old and withered. The identities of any names or initials on this blog are based on the assumptions of the reader unless otherwise specified, and the author claims no responsibility for them.
Reality
The author somehow got into medical school. Yes, you of the general public, shudder and fear the wrath of an inept doctor.
Loves
Reading, Maisy (my dog), tea, writing (albeit badly), piano, music, junk food.
Hates
Almost everything else besides the things mentioned above.
Friends
Bao Cheng' Bernice' Chien Young' Chun Hing' Claire' Faustina' Felicia' Ferly' Gloria' Irene' Irene & Jiaying' Jac' Jiamin' Jiasin' Jiaying' Lutheng' Karene' Marissa' Melesa' Mingyi' My fictionpress' Pamelia' Pei Rong' Qiu Ting' Rachel' Satires Site' Stasia' Sylvia' The Clique' Vinette' Wenjia' Xin Rong' Xue Ying' Yanne & I' Yanne & Jamie' Zeena' 203'
Archives
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Chat area
Carrying on in the same vein as the last post...
I think 2012 has taught me a lot. Most importantly, it has shown me that I have not reached the human limits of cynicism yet. And of course, I've become more cynical and pessimistic than ever.
I'm sick and tired of the shitty relationships I have with my peers in med. True, I've realised that some are indeed better than I would ever have thought (like ML). But I've resolved to stop bothering with the ones that keep dragging me down, the people who only talk to me during the term to ask for help. Why should I waste my effort in 1-way relationships, especially with people whom I won't remain in contact with outside of uni? Moreover, the relationships aren't even beneficial to me, both in terms of uni work and my sanity and happiness.
Talking things over with MW today kinda helped. As much as I denied being bothered by these relationships, I was bothered. Probably still am. But my top new year's resolution for 2013 is to stop being so 'soft' and believing in humanity. So many times I've told myself to just tolerate the shit that has been flung at me, in the hopes of fostering real friendships.
These hols have found me re-kindling my friendships with people from Nanyang and even CHIJ. People I've not spoken to for about 10 years were happy to meet up with me (in Beijing of all places), to keep in contact and just chat about inane crap. I've found myself being unexpectedly joyful and eagerly anticipating their next messages and emails. And regretting the effort I've put into the growth of relationships I knew were doomed from the start (but admittedly had to put up a facade to avoid conflicts with work).
Why should I care, when I have my own network of people I love and care about, and who love and care about me in return? I think I need the confidence to step out of my bubble of trying to keep everything and everyone happy and rosy at the expense of my happiness. It's time to remove the weeds from the rather barren land of relationships with my medical colleagues. I guess it should still be possible to remain professional and work together, but I know who I want to keep in closer contact with now and who I want to leave at arm's length.
And for a start, I shall ignore a certain someone's repeated attempts to contact me to help with their osce. Despite them not even contacting me all holidays. You know what, screw you. You aren't worth me getting upset over, nor worth the time and effort you would like me to spend on you.
And the same to those whom I've cordoned off into the section with a huge neon pink 'Keep Out' sign on. I don't need the shit that you fling at me. I won't let you harness me like a stupid donkey just to make use of me, because I don't need the meager support from you that I thought I needed. I'm not alone, despite how I always thought I was. And so, piss off from my life.
12:02 AM