Disclaimer
The reader accepts, on reading of this disclaimer, that the Internet is a vast wasteland of crap that spews out of human minds. This blog is no different. Any assumptions or conclusions that the reader draws from this blog are not the responsibility of the author, along with any physical or psychological harm that might result from the reading of this blog.

Author
The author is a paranoid, deranged and cynical misanthrope who records snippets of her life so that she will remember them when she grows old and withered. The identities of any names or initials on this blog are based on the assumptions of the reader unless otherwise specified, and the author claims no responsibility for them.

Reality
The author somehow got into medical school. Yes, you of the general public, shudder and fear the wrath of an inept doctor.

Loves
Reading, Maisy (my dog), tea, writing (albeit badly), piano, music, junk food.

Hates
Almost everything else besides the things mentioned above.

Friends

 Bao Cheng' Bernice' Chien Young' Chun Hing' Claire' Faustina' Felicia' Ferly' Gloria' Irene' Irene & Jiaying' Jac' Jiamin' Jiasin' Jiaying' Lutheng' Karene' Marissa' Melesa' Mingyi' My fictionpress' Pamelia' Pei Rong' Qiu Ting' Rachel' Satires Site' Stasia' Sylvia' The Clique' Vinette' Wenjia' Xin Rong' Xue Ying' Yanne & I' Yanne & Jamie' Zeena' 203'

Archives

 03/01/2004 - 04/01/2004 09/01/2004 - 10/01/2004 10/01/2004 - 11/01/2004 01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005 02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005 03/01/2005 - 04/01/2005 04/01/2005 - 05/01/2005 05/01/2005 - 06/01/2005 06/01/2005 - 07/01/2005 07/01/2005 - 08/01/2005 08/01/2005 - 09/01/2005 09/01/2005 - 10/01/2005 10/01/2005 - 11/01/2005 11/01/2005 - 12/01/2005 12/01/2005 - 01/01/2006 01/01/2006 - 02/01/2006 02/01/2006 - 03/01/2006 03/01/2006 - 04/01/2006 04/01/2006 - 05/01/2006 05/01/2006 - 06/01/2006 06/01/2006 - 07/01/2006 07/01/2006 - 08/01/2006 08/01/2006 - 09/01/2006 09/01/2006 - 10/01/2006 10/01/2006 - 11/01/2006 11/01/2006 - 12/01/2006 12/01/2006 - 01/01/2007 01/01/2007 - 02/01/2007 02/01/2007 - 03/01/2007 03/01/2007 - 04/01/2007 04/01/2007 - 05/01/2007 06/01/2007 - 07/01/2007 07/01/2007 - 08/01/2007 08/01/2007 - 09/01/2007 09/01/2007 - 10/01/2007 10/01/2007 - 11/01/2007 11/01/2007 - 12/01/2007 12/01/2007 - 01/01/2008 01/01/2008 - 02/01/2008 02/01/2008 - 03/01/2008 03/01/2008 - 04/01/2008 04/01/2008 - 05/01/2008 05/01/2008 - 06/01/2008 06/01/2008 - 07/01/2008 07/01/2008 - 08/01/2008 08/01/2008 - 09/01/2008 09/01/2008 - 10/01/2008 10/01/2008 - 11/01/2008 11/01/2008 - 12/01/2008 12/01/2008 - 01/01/2009 01/01/2009 - 02/01/2009 02/01/2009 - 03/01/2009 03/01/2009 - 04/01/2009 04/01/2009 - 05/01/2009 05/01/2009 - 06/01/2009 06/01/2009 - 07/01/2009 07/01/2009 - 08/01/2009 08/01/2009 - 09/01/2009 09/01/2009 - 10/01/2009 12/01/2009 - 01/01/2010 08/01/2010 - 09/01/2010 12/01/2010 - 01/01/2011 06/01/2011 - 07/01/2011 04/01/2012 - 05/01/2012 08/01/2012 - 09/01/2012 09/01/2012 - 10/01/2012 10/01/2012 - 11/01/2012 11/01/2012 - 12/01/2012 12/01/2012 - 01/01/2013 01/01/2013 - 02/01/2013 02/01/2013 - 03/01/2013 03/01/2013 - 04/01/2013 04/01/2013 - 05/01/2013 05/01/2013 - 06/01/2013 06/01/2013 - 07/01/2013 07/01/2013 - 08/01/2013 11/01/2013 - 12/01/2013 12/01/2013 - 01/01/2014 02/01/2014 - 03/01/2014 03/01/2014 - 04/01/2014 05/01/2014 - 06/01/2014

Chat area


 Sunday, November 18, 2012

The following post is just gonna be one huge rambling, mess of garbled words because I don't even know why I'm this upset over marks. More specifically, my not-so-satisfactory marks for research.

Turns out CT got a HD for research. I don't begrudge him his good mark. But I feel that if he got a HD, I should have gotten one too. Or at least done better than VC/JT. And I know it sounds arrogant, but here're the reasons why I think so:

1. We're basically the only group that completes work on time without needing to be chased.
2. I've clearly spent the most time on the damn project, having to chase the people involved on my own (eg: statisticians), and as VF (VC/JT's supervisor) said, basically doing the whole bleeding project on our own. We were the only group with decent results during the results presentation in July despite DE being away for nearly 2 months.
3. Both groups PLAGIARISED our work at various points in time. I mean, wouldn't that already mean that we're better than them?!?!
4. I don't see how the quality of our work pales in comparison to theirs. If anything, none of the supervisors have made a peep/negative comments about our work, especially not in the last 3 months or so (DE said well done in nearly every damn email). In contrast, all the other groups have received some sort of negative feedback at some point or other.
5. DE even said on Monday when we went to give them our gifts that our report is close to publishable. Which is definitely NOT the case for the other groups, or at least VC/JT's group (no idea about CT's). VC/JT's group even had to have a meeting on that same fateful Monday to discuss the DIRECTION their project was going to take in order to make it publishable.
6. VC/JT's group did not even do a final report. They just copied their poster text, which was mainly written by their supervisor. And blamed it on how they mistook her instructions on not to start on their publication manuscript as to not have to do a final report for the faculty.

On the other hand, receiving my mark has caused certain doubts to surface in my mind. Perhaps I'm over-estimating myself, and being arrogant and incredibly stuck-up by casting my judgements on how others don't deserve a better grade than me. For all I know, my work is actually shit but I'm blinded by it because it's my work, and due to the fact that I've wasted my already close-to-non-existent social life on it this year.  And how I could have done better in my rotations if I'd spent more time on them instead.

I guess all we have left to do is wait for DE's reply to my email (which was a poorly disguised confrontation/request for an explanation of what the shit happened). I really hope he doesn't give us some cryptic 1-liner reply again. I can't guarantee that I won't fly into a completely mad rage and launch an official faculty appeal into what I really believe is an unfair and unjustified academic assessment. I'm pretty sure that an external marker would agree with me that our work isn't compromised in quality in comparison to the other groups, even excluding the comments on the amount of effort I put in etc (yes, I know effort doesn't always equate to quality).

I really have no idea why this is affecting me so badly. It's taken the joy of doing surprisingly well in exams away, and I've had troubles concentrating on stuff like work (even simple piano stuff was a challenge today). It almost feels like heartbreak; where something you invested so much time and effort in hasn't reciprocated in the way you expected it to. I guess this project has kinda been my brainchild, and it sucks to be blatantly insulted in this manner, which just shouts that my efforts weren't appreciated or good enough compared to what I considered to be rather meagre efforts by my peers.

As much as I'd love to go on an all-out rampage and take it to the faculty level if I don't get a satisfactory explanation from DE, I don't think I'd be willing to commit career-suicide even before my career has started. Clinical life is all about politics. I can't afford to offend the burns department, especially since dear famous FW is the head of it. I also respect them all, since I recognise that they are indeed champions of their field, even if I dislike them now for what I believe is an unjust assessment. It just sucks that they don't respect my efforts, and it borders on offensive since they've labelled what I thought was a decent first venture into research as lousy.

Maybe if I am crazy enough with rage. Although I think the self-preservationist in me won't allow that to happen. But I guess I can retaliate in a passive-aggressive manner. If DE/the burns department thinks that sitting on my bum and waiting to be pushed to do work is better than taking initiative, then they will have it. In double doses. I'll just lounge around not bothering to do anything until they chase me, and even so, turn in a piece of hurriedly-pieced-together turd peppered with grammatical errors and plagiarised from the said groups that did better than us. See how they'd like that. Screw this shit.

12:08 AM