The reader accepts, on reading of this disclaimer, that the Internet is a vast wasteland of crap that spews out of human minds. This blog is no different. Any assumptions or conclusions that the reader draws from this blog are not the responsibility of the author, along with any physical or psychological harm that might result from the reading of this blog.
Author
The author is a paranoid, deranged and cynical misanthrope who records snippets of her life so that she will remember them when she grows old and withered. The identities of any names or initials on this blog are based on the assumptions of the reader unless otherwise specified, and the author claims no responsibility for them.
Reality
The author somehow got into medical school. Yes, you of the general public, shudder and fear the wrath of an inept doctor.
Loves
Reading, Maisy (my dog), tea, writing (albeit badly), piano, music, junk food.
Hates
Almost everything else besides the things mentioned above.
Friends
Bao Cheng' Bernice' Chien Young' Chun Hing' Claire' Faustina' Felicia' Ferly' Gloria' Irene' Irene & Jiaying' Jac' Jiamin' Jiasin' Jiaying' Lutheng' Karene' Marissa' Melesa' Mingyi' My fictionpress' Pamelia' Pei Rong' Qiu Ting' Rachel' Satires Site' Stasia' Sylvia' The Clique' Vinette' Wenjia' Xin Rong' Xue Ying' Yanne & I' Yanne & Jamie' Zeena' 203'
Archives
03/01/2004 - 04/01/2004
09/01/2004 - 10/01/2004
10/01/2004 - 11/01/2004
01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005
02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005
03/01/2005 - 04/01/2005
04/01/2005 - 05/01/2005
05/01/2005 - 06/01/2005
06/01/2005 - 07/01/2005
07/01/2005 - 08/01/2005
08/01/2005 - 09/01/2005
09/01/2005 - 10/01/2005
10/01/2005 - 11/01/2005
11/01/2005 - 12/01/2005
12/01/2005 - 01/01/2006
01/01/2006 - 02/01/2006
02/01/2006 - 03/01/2006
03/01/2006 - 04/01/2006
04/01/2006 - 05/01/2006
05/01/2006 - 06/01/2006
06/01/2006 - 07/01/2006
07/01/2006 - 08/01/2006
08/01/2006 - 09/01/2006
09/01/2006 - 10/01/2006
10/01/2006 - 11/01/2006
11/01/2006 - 12/01/2006
12/01/2006 - 01/01/2007
01/01/2007 - 02/01/2007
02/01/2007 - 03/01/2007
03/01/2007 - 04/01/2007
04/01/2007 - 05/01/2007
06/01/2007 - 07/01/2007
07/01/2007 - 08/01/2007
08/01/2007 - 09/01/2007
09/01/2007 - 10/01/2007
10/01/2007 - 11/01/2007
11/01/2007 - 12/01/2007
12/01/2007 - 01/01/2008
01/01/2008 - 02/01/2008
02/01/2008 - 03/01/2008
03/01/2008 - 04/01/2008
04/01/2008 - 05/01/2008
05/01/2008 - 06/01/2008
06/01/2008 - 07/01/2008
07/01/2008 - 08/01/2008
08/01/2008 - 09/01/2008
09/01/2008 - 10/01/2008
10/01/2008 - 11/01/2008
11/01/2008 - 12/01/2008
12/01/2008 - 01/01/2009
01/01/2009 - 02/01/2009
02/01/2009 - 03/01/2009
03/01/2009 - 04/01/2009
04/01/2009 - 05/01/2009
05/01/2009 - 06/01/2009
06/01/2009 - 07/01/2009
07/01/2009 - 08/01/2009
08/01/2009 - 09/01/2009
09/01/2009 - 10/01/2009
12/01/2009 - 01/01/2010
08/01/2010 - 09/01/2010
12/01/2010 - 01/01/2011
06/01/2011 - 07/01/2011
04/01/2012 - 05/01/2012
08/01/2012 - 09/01/2012
09/01/2012 - 10/01/2012
10/01/2012 - 11/01/2012
11/01/2012 - 12/01/2012
12/01/2012 - 01/01/2013
01/01/2013 - 02/01/2013
02/01/2013 - 03/01/2013
03/01/2013 - 04/01/2013
04/01/2013 - 05/01/2013
05/01/2013 - 06/01/2013
06/01/2013 - 07/01/2013
07/01/2013 - 08/01/2013
11/01/2013 - 12/01/2013
12/01/2013 - 01/01/2014
02/01/2014 - 03/01/2014
03/01/2014 - 04/01/2014
05/01/2014 - 06/01/2014
Chat area
Now that the hubbub of exams has kind of died down (except for the releasing of exam results next week. *hyperventilates*), it's back to research. At least it makes me happier that it's not really 2 months of full-time remediation if I failed the clinical exams unless I failed all the stations. Which would be incredibly sad, and I would probably just quit med school if that happened.
Research has been pretty cool too. At least now I don't really have to worry about getting my groupmates into trouble (ie: get a shit mark from the faculty) if they don't do much work. I don't think they deserve a bad mark; they've probably done more than what other people have done, which is just piggybacking on their supervisors' projects. If anything, they turned up for meetings quite regularly. Lol. And they are generally nice people, esp SL. I guess I wouldn't have as many qualms about ratting EB out since I'm honestly still rather annoyed at her. And will be irate at her if I end up failing the year thanks to not having enough time to study mainly due to research, because she didn't want to do much and still kept whining about how it ate into her study time.
Getting an email yesterday from DE about publishing our project made me feel strangely inadequate though. I'd asked if he wanted to meet us to discuss publication, and he replied saying that we didn't need to. Ironically, he was the one who asked to discuss the issue after our exams. I don't even know why the heck I'm feeling like he thinks I/we are high-maintenance or dependent/clingy (lol tbh, I do. Because he literally said we are high-maintenance, and it's been bugging me since then). Or why it makes me feel like I'm such a failure because I don't know what the hell I'm supposed to be doing.
It's amusing how people think I know what I'm doing when I don't. Maybe because he's so experienced in research, he can actually see through this facade and know that I don't know a rat's backside from research. Or maybe I'm being overly suspicious and paranoid. So confused, except for the fact that I'm as lost as anyone about research.
Anyway... The 1st week of hols has gone by without me doing anything much at all. It's been nice to just sit around, with 'The Lazy Song' by Bruno Mars concisely summarizing what I've been doing. Besides the sleeping around part.
I'm worried about getting the summer scholarship now that I've had a taste of not doing anything. Really feeling very tired and sick of med school. And the thought of constantly feeling inadequate thanks to my (admittedly maybe self-imagined, as assured by friends) unimpressed supervisor really doesn't help. Unfortunately he remembered about the scholarship. Bleh.
So yes, feeling very ambivalent about it. If I get it, it would mean 6 weeks of feeling like a failure. Ok, that's rather harsh. But either way, I don't even know if I can fulfill the conditions of the scholarship since I'm also going away for a 2 week holiday to China (WOOHOO!). Not getting the scholarship would be quite crushing for my (already close to non-existent) self-esteem though. It would be another piece of evidence to go into the thick file of my past failures. So yes, either way, I'll end up feeling like the failure I am. And heap failing exams on it and I might as well quit med school and kill myself to prevent the contamination of the human gene pool with my highly inferior genes. Not that I even understand an ounce of the genetics course we did in pathology.
Sigh.
12:57 PM