A Monochromatic Life

Disclaimer

The reader accepts, on reading of this disclaimer, that the Internet is a vast wasteland of crap that spews out of human minds. This blog is no different. Any assumptions or conclusions that the reader draws from this blog are not the responsibility of the author, along with any physical or psychological harm that might result from the reading of this blog.

Author

The author is a paranoid, deranged and cynical misanthrope who records snippets of her life so that she will remember them when she grows old and withered. The identities of any names or initials on this blog are based on the assumptions of the reader unless otherwise specified, and the author claims no responsibility for them.

Reality

The author somehow got into medical school. Yes, you of the general public, shudder and fear the wrath of an inept doctor.

Loves

Reading, Maisy (my dog), tea, writing (albeit badly), piano, music, junk food.

Hates

Almost everything else besides the things mentioned above.

Friends

Bao Cheng' Bernice' Chien Young' Chun Hing' Claire' Faustina' Felicia' Ferly' Gloria' Irene' Irene & Jiaying' Jac' Jiamin' Jiasin' Jiaying' Lutheng' Karene' Marissa' Melesa' Mingyi' My fictionpress' Pamelia' Pei Rong' Qiu Ting' Rachel' Satires Site' Stasia' Sylvia' The Clique' Vinette' Wenjia' Xin Rong' Xue Ying' Yanne & I' Yanne & Jamie' Zeena' 203'

Archives

03/01/2004 - 04/01/2004 09/01/2004 - 10/01/2004 10/01/2004 - 11/01/2004 01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005 02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005 03/01/2005 - 04/01/2005 04/01/2005 - 05/01/2005 05/01/2005 - 06/01/2005 06/01/2005 - 07/01/2005 07/01/2005 - 08/01/2005 08/01/2005 - 09/01/2005 09/01/2005 - 10/01/2005 10/01/2005 - 11/01/2005 11/01/2005 - 12/01/2005 12/01/2005 - 01/01/2006 01/01/2006 - 02/01/2006 02/01/2006 - 03/01/2006 03/01/2006 - 04/01/2006 04/01/2006 - 05/01/2006 05/01/2006 - 06/01/2006 06/01/2006 - 07/01/2006 07/01/2006 - 08/01/2006 08/01/2006 - 09/01/2006 09/01/2006 - 10/01/2006 10/01/2006 - 11/01/2006 11/01/2006 - 12/01/2006 12/01/2006 - 01/01/2007 01/01/2007 - 02/01/2007 02/01/2007 - 03/01/2007 03/01/2007 - 04/01/2007 04/01/2007 - 05/01/2007 06/01/2007 - 07/01/2007 07/01/2007 - 08/01/2007 08/01/2007 - 09/01/2007 09/01/2007 - 10/01/2007 10/01/2007 - 11/01/2007 11/01/2007 - 12/01/2007 12/01/2007 - 01/01/2008 01/01/2008 - 02/01/2008 02/01/2008 - 03/01/2008 03/01/2008 - 04/01/2008 04/01/2008 - 05/01/2008 05/01/2008 - 06/01/2008 06/01/2008 - 07/01/2008 07/01/2008 - 08/01/2008 08/01/2008 - 09/01/2008 09/01/2008 - 10/01/2008 10/01/2008 - 11/01/2008 11/01/2008 - 12/01/2008 12/01/2008 - 01/01/2009 01/01/2009 - 02/01/2009 02/01/2009 - 03/01/2009 03/01/2009 - 04/01/2009 04/01/2009 - 05/01/2009 05/01/2009 - 06/01/2009 06/01/2009 - 07/01/2009 07/01/2009 - 08/01/2009 08/01/2009 - 09/01/2009 09/01/2009 - 10/01/2009 12/01/2009 - 01/01/2010 08/01/2010 - 09/01/2010 12/01/2010 - 01/01/2011 06/01/2011 - 07/01/2011 04/01/2012 - 05/01/2012 08/01/2012 - 09/01/2012 09/01/2012 - 10/01/2012 10/01/2012 - 11/01/2012 11/01/2012 - 12/01/2012 12/01/2012 - 01/01/2013 01/01/2013 - 02/01/2013 02/01/2013 - 03/01/2013 03/01/2013 - 04/01/2013 04/01/2013 - 05/01/2013 05/01/2013 - 06/01/2013 06/01/2013 - 07/01/2013 07/01/2013 - 08/01/2013 11/01/2013 - 12/01/2013 12/01/2013 - 01/01/2014 02/01/2014 - 03/01/2014 03/01/2014 - 04/01/2014 05/01/2014 - 06/01/2014

Chat area

Friday, October 05, 2012

'Nothing more you need to do.' -Research supervisor (DE)

Those words spark a certain sense of freedom; I'll have the next 3 weeks away from research (besides our conference next week), and be able to devote it completely to preparing for exams. To save me from heading for certain doom/failure.

Don't get me wrong; I enjoy research. It's a good combination of putting my OCD skills to work, being able to write, and just the sheer challenge of thinking through things to try to unravel bits of the 'puzzle'. What I thoroughly detested was the groupwork aspect of it. Or the lack thereof.

I've learnt many things through this project. I've learnt that there is always room for improvement. That I actually enjoy research, and want to do it in future. That there are aspects of my personality that might require some work on (e.g. repeatedly pestering people such as my supervisor). And that I have more tolerance for working with imbeciles than I ever knew.

Many people would expect me to explode and insist for my groupmates to pull their weight in the project if they don't. Even I thought I would never tolerate such shit. But here's what happened in the end: One of my groupmates (EB. No, not her real initials) has told me since June that she is putting research as one of her lowest priorities since she needs to study for the upcoming end of year exams (yes, the ones at the end of this month). Which I also have.

And she whines and craps about how much work research is when she does SHITALL, SHITALL, SHITALL. It borders on ridiculous. The only time I asked her to do work (writing the intro of our manuscript/report), I got this horrible piece of cut-and-pasted crap from our project proposal that made as much sense as a pool of hedgehog vomit. I promptly decided to rule over the project with an iron fist since waiting for her piece of crap left me with less time to write the thing to the deadline.

It wasn't just this. Both EB and SL (other groupmate) don't really read or respond to the emails or facebook posts until I actually post for them to PLEASE read it. It's fking ridiculous. It's basically MY project with 2 frigging stones that I have to drag around and give credit to.

In all honesty, I thought I wouldn't mind doing more work. But I never expected it to be >90% of the entire damn project. I mean, when you've written all 17 pages of the final report/manuscript and your groupmates just make feeble attempts to help (unsincere phrases like 'let me know if I can do anything' and not doing anything when asked or offering when opportunities come up/I drop hints), I think it's pretty hard not to get angry.

And it's even harder to not get angry when EB knows she has done SHITALL for the project and still asks to be joint 1st-author. With a crap reason like 'Oh, our supervisor DE might want us all to be joint 1st-authors'. DE doesn't give a crap except to ensure that we get our work done, and if we don't, I am the one who'll get hassled.

I think shit hit the fans when EB said that (2 weeks ago when we were discussing authorship). I didn't mind doing more work since I respected that the both of them hate research. I didn't think I asked for much in return; keeping up with where the project's at, attending most meetings, answering my emails/fb posts. I went easy on them because I didn't want to force them to do any work, or live up to my expectations (which I understand can be considered to be higher than avg).

And all I wanted was for some appreciation, respect or just sheer decency. To acknowledge that I basically did all the work and they're riding on my coattails. EB's request completely threw me into a fking rage because it showed that she didn't even have a GERM of decency.

When you've given up what little social life/time you have to do a project, and do it well to make it count, it's just incredibly disappointing to find out what your groupmates really are like. There's EB living in her own little fking selfish bubble. And there's SL.

Admittedly, she's nice and has the basic courtesy/decency to acknowledge her lack of contribution to the project. And that's probably what has held me back from going out on an all-out rage against the both of them. But stumbling onto her blog and reading her whining/moaning about research (for whatever little effort she put in) tipped me over the edge a little.

I'm over this shit anyway. At least the faculty component of this project is done (what the report was for. Project is done as part of our 4th year curriculum). It's up to them if they want to keep working on it to get it published. I don't care. I don't want to force them to do something against their will since it backfires on me and I get a large turd disguised as work in return.

But still. Fk this shit. I'm sick of groupwork, at least with the both of them. If I were to do any research in future (and I'm pretty sure I do), I will do it alone. Screw people who ride on my credit.

I do have to give a shoutout to my supervisor DE though. He has been great, even though he isn't the most friendly/nice guy. He's been incredibly supportive with feedback, which he sends at just about any time of the day. He replies my emails within hours. I don't think I could ask for more in a supervisor, and I think I've asked for more than what supervisors usually give (he called our group [ie: me] high-maintenance). He has made up for my incompetent groupmates. In many ways, he's functioned as both a mentor and a team-mate (although I think he'd be insulted if he finds out I treated him as a team member), with his reliability and support. Which incidentally might have been why I pestered him (since I had no one else to really discuss the project with).

I hope he wins the faculty research supervisor prize (nominated him in some spur-of-the-moment crazy decision). And I hope it's anonymous since I really don't want him reading what I wrote about him (it isn't bad, but there's stuff that I don't want him to know I said :P). He is honestly one of the most dedicated and passionate people I know (about their work). And it truly motivated me to work hard and commit to our project, despite having to work with imbeciles.

I think he thinks I'm an imbecile too though. Wonder if he blogs about working with idiots like me, who pester him over the smallest details. Lol. Nice thought to end this post on.

9:51 PM