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The reader accepts, on reading of this disclaimer, that the Internet is a vast wasteland of crap that spews out of human minds. This blog is no different. Any assumptions or conclusions that the reader draws from this blog are not the responsibility of the author, along with any physical or psychological harm that might result from the reading of this blog.

Author
The author is a paranoid, deranged and cynical misanthrope who records snippets of her life so that she will remember them when she grows old and withered. The identities of any names or initials on this blog are based on the assumptions of the reader unless otherwise specified, and the author claims no responsibility for them.

Reality
The author somehow got into medical school. Yes, you of the general public, shudder and fear the wrath of an inept doctor.

Loves
Reading, Maisy (my dog), tea, writing (albeit badly), piano, music, junk food.

Hates
Almost everything else besides the things mentioned above.

Friends

 Bao Cheng' Bernice' Chien Young' Chun Hing' Claire' Faustina' Felicia' Ferly' Gloria' Irene' Irene & Jiaying' Jac' Jiamin' Jiasin' Jiaying' Lutheng' Karene' Marissa' Melesa' Mingyi' My fictionpress' Pamelia' Pei Rong' Qiu Ting' Rachel' Satires Site' Stasia' Sylvia' The Clique' Vinette' Wenjia' Xin Rong' Xue Ying' Yanne & I' Yanne & Jamie' Zeena' 203'

Archives

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Chat area


 Monday, August 04, 2008

I am so stressed and tired.

All because of school.

I'm getting the impression that my teachers hate me, my peers, as usual, ignore me.

Yes, there's just about 3 months of school left and I never have to see these people again. But there's still 3 months, unfortunately.

Found out that my final exams end on the 14th of Nov. Then I'll see the idiots for about 1 more week at the end of Nov for prize presentation, graduation etc etc... Perhaps I'll go, perhaps I won't bother.

It's getting increasingly frustrating. Maybe it's the prospect of leaving the school forever that's making people stick to each other more, and also the competition of the oncoming exams that's causing people to keep to themselves. Either way, the only reason people talk to me is just about schoolwork, and it frustrates me.

It doesn't help that teachers are getting pretty hostile towards me. HW totally ignored me today (while she acknowledged the other 2 people who were late as well: all 3 of us had a photo for the concerto concert, which is in a month's time and does nothing but increase my stress levels), and VB has been telling me off with a frequency of about thrice a week.

Dreading school is normal. But to the extent that I have to literally physically throw myself out of bed? That I sometimes find myself dazed or close to tears in class? I think some of the teachers noticed... TD was staring quite suspiciously at me because I usually attempt to pretend that I'm listening.

But it gets to a point that my tolerance is waning, and I'm too tired. It doesn't help that people have been searching my bag and stealing food. I told my mum and she suggested putting laxatives in my food. The only qualm I have is that I might accidentally ingest it.

Besides that... Even Gaby's becoming increasingly hostile. I suppose it's due to the looming prospect of concerto concert (which is unfortunately in a month, and I am woefully unprepared). We had the photos today, and I think that really shook me awake. I regret joining it now, in a sense. It's a great opportunity, experience and my last year of school etc. However, I don't have the time and it is causing my blood pressure to skyrocket, not to mention the number of headaches I am increasingly having. After the photo, I felt dizzy, weak and nauseous. And still had to rush off to calc, with no lunch, and only a teeny piece of twix during recess. And had to endure HW's hostile attitude (perhaps I was reading too much into it).

She might have been pissed off at the mistakes I made in Thurs test, when I blanked out. Still did well (44/46), but the mistakes I made were so trivial she was probably restraining herself from strangling me. I got a velocity of -50.9, and the question asked for the speed. I went from = -50.9m/s to = 50.9m/s. Obviously it's very unmathematical and I should have written 'the speed is 50.9m/s'. But to be honest, it was last period of the day, and my tolerance was at breaking point.

The other one was where I implicitly differentiated and forgot to put dx/dt after differentiating my cosx.

I think I'm crumbling under all this stress, socially and academically. I'm starting to just shut people out, being very insensitive and annoying, and although I'm aware of it, it gives me a certain kind of vindictive pleasure to act that way. While in sg, I had you guys to counterbalance my nutty ways. Here, I don't.

And at least the teachers in NY saw me for what I was: pretty much an average student, failure at maths. Here, teachers get disappointed when I don't reach their expectations, which are sometimes set way too high, such as in chem. (VB started getting annoyed at me after the exam. And also after I told her I didn't want to do some titration competition, because too many people wanted to do it). And maths too. HW and CD are strangely deluded into thinking that I'm an 'extremely capable mathematician', when I AM NOT. Yes, I might have gotten 100% in a couple of tests, but they were complete FLUKES. I did not study for them.

Then again, why the hell am I ranting and raging here? It's not like they'll be able to hear me. Tomorrow, when I go to school, it'll be back to the 'Jolene the fking nerd' again. Talk about vicious fking cycles indeed.

9:57 PM