Disclaimer
The reader accepts, on reading of this disclaimer, that the Internet is a vast wasteland of crap that spews out of human minds. This blog is no different. Any assumptions or conclusions that the reader draws from this blog are not the responsibility of the author, along with any physical or psychological harm that might result from the reading of this blog.

Author
The author is a paranoid, deranged and cynical misanthrope who records snippets of her life so that she will remember them when she grows old and withered. The identities of any names or initials on this blog are based on the assumptions of the reader unless otherwise specified, and the author claims no responsibility for them.

Reality
The author somehow got into medical school. Yes, you of the general public, shudder and fear the wrath of an inept doctor.

Loves
Reading, Maisy (my dog), tea, writing (albeit badly), piano, music, junk food.

Hates
Almost everything else besides the things mentioned above.

Friends

 Bao Cheng' Bernice' Chien Young' Chun Hing' Claire' Faustina' Felicia' Ferly' Gloria' Irene' Irene & Jiaying' Jac' Jiamin' Jiasin' Jiaying' Lutheng' Karene' Marissa' Melesa' Mingyi' My fictionpress' Pamelia' Pei Rong' Qiu Ting' Rachel' Satires Site' Stasia' Sylvia' The Clique' Vinette' Wenjia' Xin Rong' Xue Ying' Yanne & I' Yanne & Jamie' Zeena' 203'

Archives

 03/01/2004 - 04/01/2004 09/01/2004 - 10/01/2004 10/01/2004 - 11/01/2004 01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005 02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005 03/01/2005 - 04/01/2005 04/01/2005 - 05/01/2005 05/01/2005 - 06/01/2005 06/01/2005 - 07/01/2005 07/01/2005 - 08/01/2005 08/01/2005 - 09/01/2005 09/01/2005 - 10/01/2005 10/01/2005 - 11/01/2005 11/01/2005 - 12/01/2005 12/01/2005 - 01/01/2006 01/01/2006 - 02/01/2006 02/01/2006 - 03/01/2006 03/01/2006 - 04/01/2006 04/01/2006 - 05/01/2006 05/01/2006 - 06/01/2006 06/01/2006 - 07/01/2006 07/01/2006 - 08/01/2006 08/01/2006 - 09/01/2006 09/01/2006 - 10/01/2006 10/01/2006 - 11/01/2006 11/01/2006 - 12/01/2006 12/01/2006 - 01/01/2007 01/01/2007 - 02/01/2007 02/01/2007 - 03/01/2007 03/01/2007 - 04/01/2007 04/01/2007 - 05/01/2007 06/01/2007 - 07/01/2007 07/01/2007 - 08/01/2007 08/01/2007 - 09/01/2007 09/01/2007 - 10/01/2007 10/01/2007 - 11/01/2007 11/01/2007 - 12/01/2007 12/01/2007 - 01/01/2008 01/01/2008 - 02/01/2008 02/01/2008 - 03/01/2008 03/01/2008 - 04/01/2008 04/01/2008 - 05/01/2008 05/01/2008 - 06/01/2008 06/01/2008 - 07/01/2008 07/01/2008 - 08/01/2008 08/01/2008 - 09/01/2008 09/01/2008 - 10/01/2008 10/01/2008 - 11/01/2008 11/01/2008 - 12/01/2008 12/01/2008 - 01/01/2009 01/01/2009 - 02/01/2009 02/01/2009 - 03/01/2009 03/01/2009 - 04/01/2009 04/01/2009 - 05/01/2009 05/01/2009 - 06/01/2009 06/01/2009 - 07/01/2009 07/01/2009 - 08/01/2009 08/01/2009 - 09/01/2009 09/01/2009 - 10/01/2009 12/01/2009 - 01/01/2010 08/01/2010 - 09/01/2010 12/01/2010 - 01/01/2011 06/01/2011 - 07/01/2011 04/01/2012 - 05/01/2012 08/01/2012 - 09/01/2012 09/01/2012 - 10/01/2012 10/01/2012 - 11/01/2012 11/01/2012 - 12/01/2012 12/01/2012 - 01/01/2013 01/01/2013 - 02/01/2013 02/01/2013 - 03/01/2013 03/01/2013 - 04/01/2013 04/01/2013 - 05/01/2013 05/01/2013 - 06/01/2013 06/01/2013 - 07/01/2013 07/01/2013 - 08/01/2013 11/01/2013 - 12/01/2013 12/01/2013 - 01/01/2014 02/01/2014 - 03/01/2014 03/01/2014 - 04/01/2014 05/01/2014 - 06/01/2014

Chat area


 Friday, June 27, 2008

Today, it rained and rained. As I exclaimed when I trekked to the science block (to get our past 10 years of TEE papers for practice: something like the 10-year series, I suppose), it could have been yesterday. Then we wouldn't have had to do that stupid marching thing.

Anyway, one thing I forgot to mention yesterday: we got our school photos (the ones who bothered buying some anyway). I got some self-portrait ones and a form/house one, though I sorely regretted buying the latter. Spending $8 (well, it is $18 if you buy it alone, but cheaper in a package) on a photo of people I won't bother remembering/contacting didn't seem very wise in retrospect. Make that doesn't.

How many of them will I bother keeping in touch with? Probably only Keisha, which was just what we were talking about last week. It is, ultimately, very sad that friendships in this school aren't very lasting. Or it might just be that the both of us have remained as outsiders as we'd joined later in the school life.

On the other hand, waves of nostalgia rushed through me as I looked at the pictures of 203, especially the one with the time capsule. We were made to write a letter to ourselves in some religion class. I admit that though I didn't take it very seriously (you can't, with the presence of other people around), I was thinking of the time capsule the whole time (I even mentioned it in the letter). The teacher suggested that we put the names of those sitting next to us on the back of the envelope to see if memories of friendships in the school survive the test of time. I sincerely doubt it will, in my case anyway. Ironically, the girl next to me misspelt my name. Of course she's going to remember me, right?

Back to the time capsule. I'm glad I went to NY after all. It has taught me many valuable lessons, like lasting friendship is actually possible in this cruel world. Whilst it might have made me much more cynical in many respects, I am grateful for the little beacon of hope it gave me: that friendships, indeed, can withstand the test of time.

Yes, corny. Very, very corny.

But look at it from my perspective: I don't talk to many people in school, besides the insistent pests asking about my grades (I often have the temptation to snap at them that it isn't that important anyway), and those asking for help with work. However, I must admit I think I scare people away, or they don't think me smart enough. Most of them ask Keisha for help more than they ask me. Haha.

I miss 203 and debates (esp Yanne) very, very much. When these pangs of nostalgia hit me, they shake me to the very core of my being and wake me from a certain kind of stupor. I think I've sunk too deep into the quicksand of the marks race that I've gotten immune to much that's happening around me. I guess it's human nature to want to avoid things that you can't have by taking the easy option and busying oneself with other 'worthy' pursuits.

As I said to yanne, I miss having a group of people I can hang around with, have lunch after school, go shopping, talk crap (SWEAR AND NOT HAVE THEM SNORT IN INDIGNATION), and just not give a hoot about my grades, and actually talk to me not only when they need help with an evil calculus question, or last minute chemistry. I'm not a textbook, or a report card. Unbeknown to these people I name my peers, I like to have fun. I don't actually study very much.

Unfortunately, it's almost like you only get either/or. Either good grades, or fun times. People often don't get that I have a sense of humour. Make that my peers. I reckon I get along better with the teachers than my peers.

It is depressing. Some teachers treat me like a marks book too. My form tutor, the year coordinator... The latter only started talking to me after the exams. On both accounts we have actually TALKED, it was only on marks, or future careers, or my reports. Doesn't anyone think that I can be unhappy?

The many times people get pissed off because I seem unhappy (especially after tests/exam marks). Maybe it isn't because of the tests, but because I am unhappy inside. Unhappy that those people only speak to me on accounts of grades. That after all, I don't have any true friends around me.

It could be argued that I don't try hard enough. But trust me, I did try.

All I'm telling myself is that there's less than 5 months to go and I'll probably never see these people ever again. But it's 5 long months till people appreciate me as more than a marks/text book.

5 whole months before I'm seen as a proper human being with feelings, not just a perfect report card. 5 whole months till it is acknowledged that I can have fun.

(5 whole months till I can kick those people's asses while shouting 'adieu' at the top of my voice)

I admit I'll miss the teachers. I think they're the only ones who think I am actually capable of having fun/a sense of humour. Perhaps it's because they're often in that position too.

I have a sudden temptation to tear up my report card when it gets here. Or maybe take it to school and tear it in front of the whole school. Unfortunately, I'm almost schizophrenic. I morph into an unrecognisable marks-chasing, hardworking kid in school. A bit scary, yes.

I must be very tired, considering this is not getting anywhere at all.

9:39 PM