The reader accepts, on reading of this disclaimer, that the Internet is a vast wasteland of crap that spews out of human minds. This blog is no different. Any assumptions or conclusions that the reader draws from this blog are not the responsibility of the author, along with any physical or psychological harm that might result from the reading of this blog.
Author
The author is a paranoid, deranged and cynical misanthrope who records snippets of her life so that she will remember them when she grows old and withered. The identities of any names or initials on this blog are based on the assumptions of the reader unless otherwise specified, and the author claims no responsibility for them.
Reality
The author somehow got into medical school. Yes, you of the general public, shudder and fear the wrath of an inept doctor.
Loves
Reading, Maisy (my dog), tea, writing (albeit badly), piano, music, junk food.
Hates
Almost everything else besides the things mentioned above.
Friends
Bao Cheng' Bernice' Chien Young' Chun Hing' Claire' Faustina' Felicia' Ferly' Gloria' Irene' Irene & Jiaying' Jac' Jiamin' Jiasin' Jiaying' Lutheng' Karene' Marissa' Melesa' Mingyi' My fictionpress' Pamelia' Pei Rong' Qiu Ting' Rachel' Satires Site' Stasia' Sylvia' The Clique' Vinette' Wenjia' Xin Rong' Xue Ying' Yanne & I' Yanne & Jamie' Zeena' 203'
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Chat area
I finally bought 'Contact'! Even though it has Chinese subtitles... How sad.
Struck gold last night by finding this:
Name:Mrs Ng Mui Eng
Aka:Mui Eng Ng
Quotes:Yes children?Selfish bastard.Bloody .Fucked up lives.Yes....? list goes on)
Subject:English/Literature
Additional Information:Judo Teacher IC
Profiles:Mrs Ng is among the world's most eccentric people,ranking up there with Kenneth Starr and Saddam Hussein.Hailing from the blessed gates of Raffles Girls' School(oooooohhhhmmmmmmm),studied in London,married to a graphic artist,enthusiastic judo kas in RJ(more ohms),the rebel without a clue.Now in her early 30s(although we all agree she looks much younger),Mrs Ng is like a tiger high on drugs.Keep her happy or once she comes out of her stupor she could lacerate your kidneys.Otherwise lessons with Mrs Ng never fail to entertain,bringing up stimulating discussions and so on and so forth.
I bloody hell assure you it wasn't by me, but by some RI GEP kid in 1999. So don't come after my blood.
The following would be by me though... I don't think they're fantastic. I don't really write such stuff... More satirical than 'descriptive'.
Profiles of mental patients of N**H
Disclaimer: Any resemblence to characters whether living or dead is purely coincidental, so do not come after my blood if one of the following people is similar to your teacher, mother, auntie, dead uncle, dead rat... For any complaints, please call 1900-GET-LOST.
Name: Mrs Ng Mui Eng
Aka: Ng, ngtub, 'Auntie' Mui Eng etc
Quotes: Bloody, AH-SOHS!, stop clucking away, qing (2) sheng (4) duan (1) pu(3), yes...? etc...
Status: Teaches English/Literature/Language arts, Form Teacher. English Society In-charge.
Comments: Especially famous for her high heels of at least 10 inches in height, the eccentricity of her dress code easily tops the charts, even beating the ever famous Ozzy Osbourne and his equally obnoxious daughter (no offence to anyone). She is especially noticeable with her short ah-soh hair, humungous Smeagol (LOTR) like eyes, William Hung teeth, and rubbish bag like clothes. Hailing from the high heavens of RI, she continually misunderstands what she thinks are aliens, but are ordinary, innocent girls like yours truly. Often not found in the staffroom, we finally have solved the mystery of what she does during those times: Lacerating kidneys and taking drugs. One of those who ought to go around with signs of 'Danger- Stay away' around her neck, she unfortunately only puts on perculiar bohemian-looking (yet remotely resembling those from Bollywood) necklaces to suit her leopard/flowery-print semi-transparent/low v-cut blouses. When angered, behaves like a form of Piglet on drugs: Squeals a megatone louder and higher-pitched. Otherwise, lessons with Mrs Ng would be highly entertaining for both us and her: Interesting insights, discussions, her attempting to hitch her skirt up and throw herself out of the window, as well as to tear her hair out. Thus, as Santa says, bad girls never get great lessons, so BEHAVE!
Author's note: Alas, our dear Mrs Ng is leaving for MGS... We wish the students there all the best, and would like to seize the opportunity to say that no other teacher can replace (the highly obnoxious) Mrs Ng (aww...).
Name: Ms Tay Soo Eng
Aka: Zheng Lao Shi
Quotes: Gan ma?
Status: Teaches Higher Chinese, Chinese Society Teacher-in-Charge
Comments: One who hails from Malaysia, she deserves a hand (aka slap) for always being punctual for lessons. Bespectacled, prosperous woman with rebonded hair whose sweat pores seem to work really hard each time she comes to our class. Somewhat sarcastic and funny, she is yet another source of entertainment to tune in to. Zheng Lao Shi, here's one for you!
Name: Ms Agnes Lee
Aka: Ms Lee
Quotes: (Um... Honestly, I don't pay attention to her...)
Status: Mathematics teacher, Chinese Orchestra Teacher-in-charge.
Comments: Caricatured by me to be a mouse... Passive, ex-NY girl who never speaks up even if we throw stuffed toy dogs right in her face. Never bothers even if we do not hand in our assignments till she's about to enter our marks into the database. One of the rare teachers who ought to get a Nobel Peace Prize for her tolerance and patience, though she loses control of the class as such. When teaching linear graphs, she reminded her students of the seagulls from 'Finding Nemo' with her constant 'y, y, y...' (y-axis). Petite woman who's rather vertically challenged, especially when beside Zeena Tan/Faustina Lim. Often bullied by students, but is a really nice lady, though the afore mentioned reason probably made her resign after joining the school for but a year.
Name: Ms Lye Ai Fern
Aka: MS LYE!
Quotes: 'Oi... Look here leh', 'you all still don't get it ah...'
Status: Chemistry/Biology teacher.
Comments: Everyone knows where she's conducting her lessons, for her booming voice even reaches the first floor when she's on the top floor (no exaggeration employed). Every class she enters starts with an enthusiastic chorus of 'GOOD MORNING/AFTERNOON MS LYE', but rather quickly, the enthusiasm is lost through the lesson on DNA, cells, atoms and God-knows-what. Probably the most computer-literate amongst all our teachers (at least she knows how to operate her laptop/Microsoft PPT), she entertains us with her findings of graphics on the chosen topic. One of the more 'interesting' Science teachers in the school, it has been a joy to have her as a teacher, though we cannot say the same for her having students like me. Doesn't care about assignments till marks are about to be entered into database too, and it is only for us that she extends the datelines. Thus, we all get reasonably excellent grades for our tests/exams. She was also the one who found the remotest bits of interest left in us for Science (after our first Science teacher. See 'Wong Tan Poh Yee' for more details). Really enthusiastic, patient and caring teacher who ought to be awarded the Emmy Award for 'Best Science Teacher'. Go Ms Lye!
Name: Mrs Vivien Chan
Aka: Vivien Chan
Quotes: GEOG REP!
Status: Geography teacher, student councillors teacher-in-charge.
Comments: Being her subject representative has been one of the most challenging things that I've had to deal with in my whole entire life, and I would like to thank my classmates, teachers, family and pet cactus for allowing me this honour of being able to be the Geography rep of the class for half a year... *sniffle sniffle, sob sob* It's relatively amazing how she actually knows how to operate her laptop, but the fact that it keeps crashing on her probably disproves that fact. One of the most 'unpopular' new teachers in our class, Mrs Chan never fails to entertain us in our dreams/nightmares on settlement patterns, population and... *snores*
Name: Ms Koh Suan Chu
Aka: MS KOH!
Quotes: CCGGLLL, ching chong chang school, you may hate me now, your standards are here but mine are here, so I may give you low marks for your tests, but it's all for your own good...
Status: History teacher, ex-teacher of Mrs Ng, school counsellor.
Comments: If any teacher should get an Academy Award for 'Best teacher', it would be Ms Koh. Her lessons never fail to interest us: From stories of the Japanese, to the Brunei King's encounter during his shopping trip. One of the kindest teachers we've ever met, she is unfortunately not as kind when it comes to tests and exams, though we all know that it is for our own good that she raises the standards. The ex-teacher of Mrs Ng, it is no surprise that Ms Koh goes ballistic at times: She has seen too much in life for her own good. At other times, she is the approachable and friendly teacher who is always there to lend a listening ear to. Ms Koh is such a nice lady, even the author of this does not wish to pass 'vile' and sarcastic remarks of her, for Ms Koh is probably one of the best combinations for a teacher that anyone could wish for: Excellent teacher with interesting lessons, caring, kind and patient. Ms Koh, here's one for you!
Name: Mrs Wong-Tan Poh Yee
Aka: Tan Poh Yee, Claire's *darling*
Quotes: 'The water "SOOT" out of the test tube...' 'Put "star, star, star" next to that...'
Status: Physics teacher, bowling teacher-in-charge.
Comments: One of the most memorable teachers for her quote(s), she made the mistake of saying 'soot' instead of 'shoots' in front of our insane class. Initially, we all did not like her, but gradually, we grew to detest her even more. Often mistaking us for her Sec 2 students last year, she would tell us to go to the Science Lab when we were doing Biology. In a perpetual bad mood, keep the crouching tiger/hidden dragon in her asleep or she will force hydrochloric acid down your throat if you awake her from her stupor. Alternatively, she could roll you up into a ball, and bowl you into the ecopond situated conveniently outside the Science labs...
Name: Ms Chang Tsai
Aka: Pang Tsai, Chang Tsai (pronounced as chang [2] tsai [4]), chang tsai (her name).
Quotes: Don't say shit, my standard is here, you are here, you are not matching up to my standard... (add funny hand movements).
Status: PE teacher, Netball Teacher IC.
comments: The most noticeable among the staffroom of pretty, young PE teachers (ooh...), Ms Chang helms the line of those slave drivers, making us run rounds and rounds and rounds and rounds (you get the vibe), after which eating as hungrily as we are into our recess times. During the times we did netball, she made us to an exercise called 'pitter patter', of which we turned into 'peanut butter'. Besides her cantankerous tirades on rather trivial matters like saying 'shit', she is otherwise a rather caring teacher who puts her students before her.
That's all for now. Requests could be put up, I suppose... These would be those I might be doing...
1: Mdm Chen
2: Cao Lao Shi
3: Mr Yam
4: Mr Derek Tan
5: Mrs Teo
Yeah... About that.
7:37 PM