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Disclaimer The reader accepts, on reading of this disclaimer, that the Internet is a vast wasteland of crap that spews out of human minds. This blog is no different. Any assumptions or conclusions that the reader draws from this blog are not the responsibility of the author, along with any physical or psychological harm that might result from the reading of this blog. Author The author is a paranoid, deranged and cynical misanthrope who records snippets of her life so that she will remember them when she grows old and withered. The identities of any names or initials on this blog are based on the assumptions of the reader unless otherwise specified, and the author claims no responsibility for them. Reality The author somehow got into medical school. Yes, you of the general public, shudder and fear the wrath of an inept doctor. Loves Reading, Maisy (my dog), tea, writing (albeit badly), piano, music, junk food. Hates Almost everything else besides the things mentioned above. Friends Bao Cheng' Bernice' Chien Young' Chun Hing' Claire' Faustina' Felicia' Ferly' Gloria' Irene' Irene & Jiaying' Jac' Jiamin' Jiasin' Jiaying' Lutheng' Karene' Marissa' Melesa' Mingyi' My fictionpress' Pamelia' Pei Rong' Qiu Ting' Rachel' Satires Site' Stasia' Sylvia' The Clique' Vinette' Wenjia' Xin Rong' Xue Ying' Yanne & I' Yanne & Jamie' Zeena' 203' Archives Chat area |
Monday, March 21, 2005
i am feeling very tired, both physically and emotionally. i havent had any time at all to quieten myself down since LSC, or even get a proper rest. but i cldnt sleep at all for the past week. have been thinking about many different issues, and the earliest i slept was 11.45pm. maybe i m suffering from insomnia, but i just cant sleep, n i had to even cry myself to sleep on some nights, for no apparent reason. it's like sometimes i try and "get outta" myself and look at myself from the outside, then i just start to cry. i dont know why. but i refuse to show this in class as i dont want others to worry n stuff. but who wld care anyway? i hate my life. i wanna throw in the white flag, declare it to be game over, but i cant. every bad memory is for some reason shouting out at me, like a soundless black and white film. i cant stop it, i cant do anything but sit there helplessly watching it, sobbing away. i wish to say it's all a nightmare, but i know it isnt and that i shldnt delude myself any further. but when i face up to it like what happened during LSC, this is what always happens. what do you think i can do? it's not like i want it, this is a one-answer question. there is no other way out. every exit has been blocked in, every sunbeam blocked out. darkness surrounds me, slowly devouring the child in me, my happiness... but i cant stop it. i dont have the power. i am just helpless. so i will apologise before i snap at anyone and make them cry. 6:28 PM
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